Sex Column: Healing the breakup

I had an interesting conversation the other day with my best friend from home and my reliable hookup, 007. He called me up to say hi, and to tell me that he was “seeing someone,” meaning, sleeping with someone else.

Although 007 will always hold a special place in my heart, my heart didn’t drop to my feet last week when he told me about his girl. I don’t really know what has changed between September and now, but our conversation definitely got me thinking.

Amidst flashbacks of all of the ways he could make me shiver, I realized that 007 and I tend to fall back into our pattern of hooking up when we’re trying to get over particularly bad breakups. After a messy breakup, it was always easy to go from innocently hanging out with 007 in his basement, to going down on him. We would fall into the same pattern.

One of my friends says the best way to get over a guy is to get under a new one, and 007 and I have definitely tested that theory. This summer, 007 and I both enjoyed the expertise that another year in college brought to the bedroom and lost no time catching up with each other. At the end of the day, however, the feeling of 007’s hands all over me didn’t entirely replace the tactile memories I had formed of hookups with my ex. Although it was nice being able to say that my ex wasn’t my last hookup, my time with 007 didn’t instantly help me get over him, regardless of how much each kiss dulled the pain. I still had to get over my ex using the tried-and-true method of time and patience, not to mention hiding his updates on my Facebook news feed.

Most people have something in their past that hurts them, that makes them put up walls. I know I do, but that’s a story for another time. For me, every new relationship is a learning curve and the end of my healing process. Sometimes, it’s discovering something as simple as, “Oh, my ex really loved it when I nibbled on his earlobes, but this guy hates it.” Other times, it’s having to remind myself not to let my past get in the way; not every relationship will end in heartbreak, not every guy will try the same bullshit. Either way, I have to remind myself that giving someone new a chance will be worth it.

At the end of the day, we’re all damaged goods; regardless of whether we immediately jump into bed with our best friends, eat a pint of ice cream, or join a boxing gym, we all have to get over our past eventually. However, if we don’t allow someone new in, we might miss out on something really great.

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