Sex Column: Let’s talk about sex … with mom and dad?

I’m pretty sure my parents know I’m having sex – as much as I can get my hands on, actually. Luckily they have never found any embarrassing sex items in my room and I would rather they don’t read my column (yes Dad, I mean you), but let’s be honest – they’re not stupid.

During this Colonials Weekend there is a good chance you’re going to have an awkward sex moment with your parents. But talking to your parents about sex is a necessary, albeit uncomfortable, conversation.

For the first two years of college, I personally tried to act as though I never had sex. When my younger sister (who was well-informed on my sex life) would bring up the subject in front of my mom, I would act shocked and disgusted. I don’t think I ever managed to fool my mother, because she began giving me sex tips and even ideas for future articles.

The most important thing to remember is, although they may seem so old now, our parents were in college once too. Yes, the thought of your parents having sex now is frightening enough, and imagining them doing it in a residence hall is even worse, but you and your parents both experience(d) college, a place where sexual education is in full force.

Aside from classes, grades and extra-curricular activities, we may not tell our parents much about our new distractions away from home. I have come a long way from the days of making out with my boyfriend on the couch, biology book close by just in case my mom walked downstairs and we needed to pretend we were studying amoebas, not each other’s tonsils. But that still does not mean that now I call my mom when I’m hung over on Sunday and tell her all about the guy I brought home the night before and the amazing things he could do with his tongue.

My parents are coming to visit this weekend, and I’m debating whether I should have that conversation with my mom. I would never, ever, bring up this conversation with my dad. I guess a part of me still wants to be daddy’s little girl. I have been slowly telling him more about my relationships, but I change the stories from X-rated to G-rated, for both his sake and mine.

If my mom finds condoms this weekend, or if we run into one of the guys I’ve been hooking up with, I’ll come clean. However, if this happens with my dad, I will deny, deny, deny. I’m all about honesty in theory, but sometimes, it’s just too awkward. I don’t really want my dad scrutinizing every boy I bring home and wondering about what we’re doing under the covers.

Since this is probably going to be the first time many of your parents will be visiting school, the safe sex talk is more than likely to pop up, even if you had the birds and bees conversation years ago. With all the random condom bowls out and posters up, and of course the chance of them seeing roommates’ condom stash peeking out from under the bed, parents have impeccable timing for awkwardness. Even if it doesn’t happen this weekend, it will eventually.

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