Slice of Life: Reading the Future

Like most seniors, as I stare into the abyss that is the future, I am full of more questions than answers. Some folks turn to religion in uncertain times, but I decided to seek professional help.

I went to see a psychic.

I walked into the small wooden shed-like building at 20th and I streets and met with AnnaMarie, a 19-year-old who describes herself as a “spiritual healist.”

“My family has been doing this for over 100 years,” she told me.

A sliding glass door leads into her workspace, which is decorated with green velvet walls and a faux-chandelier hanging from the ceiling with the power chord running across the ceiling.

Once seated, AnnaMarie gave me a brief rundown of the services offered.

Five bucks will get you a basic palm reading. For 10 dollars she’ll look into your distant future. And for 20 bucks, you can get the deluxe package that has all that plus a three-month prediction. I splurged and chose the last option.

AnnaMarie began by having me clench my fists and think of a happy thought in the future. My thought? Passing my economics class so I can graduate. (Professor Bradley, the psychic indicated I would pass, so I guess that’s a done deal, right?)

I stretched out my palms on the circular golden table in front of me, and AnnaMarie began to tell my fortune. I braced for a load of bull.

“You have a long life line. You will lead a healthy and fulfilling life,” she said.

I perked up.

“You are on a good career path,” she said with confidence.

Maybe she isn’t such a quack after all.

“But there is jealousy around you,” she warned.

That’s true. Being a Hatchet columnist is pretty glitzy. I bet a lot of y’all are jealous.

“You hate being bossed around,” she explained.

She’s right. Just ask my editors.

She then pried into my love life.

“I see you in a long-term relationship soon,” she said.

I prodded her along, “Yes? Yes?”

“But don’t push it. You need to take things slowly. Your romantic energy isn’t great enough right now,” the psychic told me.

What? My romantic energy is just fine, thank you very much. I asked for clarification.

Apparently, I’m too stressed and that’s hindering my ability to deal with my emotions and feelings.

“You definitely need some Pilates or yoga,” said AnnaMarie, adding that I need to be more active. I think that was her polite psychic way of telling me I need to cart my rear over to the gym more often.

Then came a warning.

“Be aware of a past relationship – a love from your past will try to re-enter your life,” she said.

Well, my kindergarten girlfriend asked me to meet her for drinks this weekend. Should I be scared?

If I can steer clear of this former love, I will be able to move forward in my current relationship, she said.

She also had some post-graduation advice.

“You are at a crossroads. I see you needing to travel. Go overseas. Let loose, play and have fun.”

So, let me get this straight. What I need right now is to go abroad and goof off?

Well, the psychic said so, and who am I to argue with a palm reader?

After saying I would have twins and that I have trouble sleeping at night, AnnaMarie was done.

For a moment, I sat stunned at how perceptive she was. Maybe there could be something to all this psychic business.

I asked if she has regular customers.

“No, most people just come to play around,” she said.

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