Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue.
SOMEPLACE YOU AREN’T – I’ve only been here a couple of months, but I feel completely at home, nearly native even. I think I have finally overcome the culture shock. Living in a different country is just so, well, different.
I live on the third floor of this ancient building, and there is no elevator. Seriously, this place is totally Third World. They don’t even have anything like DCSnacks to get a late-night bite. I mean, where am I going to get my free condoms?
Luckily, GW has helped ease the pain of living in the Old World.
“It’s important to us that we remake the GW atmosphere here,” said Idonta Speakaspanish, director of the GW Study Center here in Costamexicargenaña. “We have worked hard to re-create Foggy Bottom right here in the historic city center.”
Other than my crappy dorm room that doesn’t have free cable, I’d say they’ve done a good job. This year the study center added a new amenity to help ease the rough cultural transition: a McFadden’s satellite bar.
“It’s great, we have a satellite uplink with the mother bar in D.C., so students can flash each other or make out via satellite,” said Fatty Bro, a bartender at the McFadden’s here, as he collected used “GW Class of 2010” shot glasses that lay strewn about the place.
“Oh. My. God. I totally love McFadden’s here, like I tried going to some local bars, but nobody could habla ingles,” said junior Liza Jappenstein from Hoboken, N.J.
Peering over the top of her sunglasses, Jappenstein told horror stories of her misadventures with the locals.
“Seriously, these people are crazy. They speak a completely different language, and the girls are total bitches. I think they are jealous of my fashion sense,” she said, rubbing her hand over her legging-clad thigh.
The administration understands students’ frustration and has taken steps to alleviate it.
“Worst of all, GW students were having to deal with the natives on a daily basis,” explained Imalwayz A. Touristte, director of GW’s study abroad office in a telephone interview. “They were losing their Colonial identities.”
To combat this problem, GW created a system allowing us to pay GW tuition while overseas, live with GW students and take classes here that are just as blow-offable as the ones we take at home.
I was so worried before I came here that I might not survive an entire semester overseas, away from GW. But GW’s study abroad programs really are top-notch, and I’ve had mucho fun here (that means a lot, I think).
In fact, I feel like I never left.
