Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue.
In an effort to start new GW traditions, University President Steamin’ Krapp created what some have called the lamest secret society in school history this week: the Order of the Sheep.
Members of the secret group have been meeting in Rice Hall, shearing sheep and knitting wool to make sweaters and hats. Buzzkill reporters broke into the group’s meeting last week, but were disappointed to find them standing around with their hands in the pockets of their woolen cardigans.
“Never heard of it,” Krapp said of the group, while holding a ball of pink yarn. “As far as I know, a sheep is one of those animals that walks around on a pasture.”
Witnesses said Krapp’s group had a “West Side Story”-esque fight in University Yard this weekend against former University President Stole Your Trachtenbucks’ Order of the Hippo. The Order of the Sheep wielded darning needles, while the Order of the Hippo carried loaded 9mm handguns.
“There’s only room for one fucking pseudo-secret society at this school,” said an angry Trachtenbucks’, his face soaked in human and sheep blood.
Unarmed Police Department Chief Dolores Wantsaglock showed up to stop the fight, but couldn’t do anything because she did not have a gun.