Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue.

Dave Matthews is the greatest living performer of all time. He has sweat blood onstage through his crown of thorns and crucified himself before us, his sweet followers.

The Buzzkill presents a playlist compiled by the above Dave Matthews enthusiasts for a worst case scenario: Your ultimate Frisbee team loses, and you lose your Dave and Tim Reynolds live at Luther College album in a bet with the competition. Or, in a horrendous display of hazing, the frat you are pledging tests your loyalty by deleting all Dave tracks from your iPod. Below, music that is almost as good as Dave:

1. Birds of a Feather – Phish
2. Out Loud – Dispatch
3. One Man Wrecking Machine – Guster
4. St. Patrick’s Day – John Mayer
5. Love and Memories- O.A.R.
6. Sitting, Waiting, Wishing – Jack Johnson
7. Omaha – Counting Crows
8. Shattered – O.A.R.
9. Say Hello, Wave Goodbye – David Gray
10. Let Her Cry – Hootie & The Blowfish