Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue.

The thick cigarette smoke near Gelman has recently been replaced by a distinctive smell that conjures memories of Allman Brothers concerts and your grandmother’s funeral. It’s because GW has legalized marijuana, part of an ongoing effort to “go green.”

The implications of creating a University rule that violates federal law did not occur to administrators, who have spent several days playing Xbox and eating voraciously at Pizza Italia.

Legalizing marijuana on campus has pushed formerly tobacco-addicted students and faculty to opt for a more environmentally friendly habit instead. Some say the University’s decision has created a healthier and happier learning environment.

“It has bettered the community,” University President Steamin’ Krapp said quietly while in awe of the iTunes visualizer on his computer. “I like, just don’t see what’s.wrong with.[ten-second pause].this stuff.”

Even opponents of the policy allowed their quotes to be altered and taken entirely out of context.

“It’s unbelievable [how much of an uplifting, positive vibe has been seen around campus,]” said Unarmed Police Department chief Dolores Wantsaglock. “And I am going to appeal to [no one, because I’m very happy with the policy].”

In a review session held yesterday, the administration found that this decision moreover lead to an incredible increase in profits, since one week from implementation. Students have been able to purchase reasonable amounts of marijuana from Colonial Central.

“We have limited the possibility of our students becoming involved in illegal actions by providing them with affordable marijuana that is easily accessible,” explained a rather bubbly and giggly Terri Schiavo, the director of media libations. “Those profits have additionally allowed us to improve and expand the campus, without having to raise tuition.”

As receptive as the GW community has been to this groundbreaking decision, concern has been raised by parents. Nonetheless, the administration stands strong behind its decision to legalize the plant on campus, stressing how “it has replaced the hazardous tobacco smoke with a more natural, pleasant air to create a much cleaner and economically friendly environment and led to incredible profit which has allowed us to improve the educational opportunities for GW students.”

The changes have also affected the University’s mascots. Fans napping in the bleachers at upcoming sporting events might tear themselves away from a bag of Doritos long enough to notice George Washington’s newest accessory: a baseball bat-sized doobie.