Michael Jackson for SA President

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Well, it’s that unfortunate time of year again. No, I don’t mean the now annual ritualistic collapse of the basketball team. Worse. It’s SA election time.

If you’re like me (and most of you are), you really couldn’t care less about this giant exercise in ego building. As entertaining as it can be to watch a bunch of overly-ambitious students vie for a pointless position in the Future-Presidents-of-America Association, every year I am sobered by the reality that some of them actually have to win.

You’ve probably been following the SA turmoil in recent months (or should I say years?). If not, well, you’re a smarter person than I am. In any case, this past academic year seems to have been the final straw for many students when it comes to the running bad joke that is our Student Association. The SA is disturbingly similar to our actual federal government: it does a really good job of taking our money, but not much else. Also like the federal government, it does a great job taking itself far too seriously.

What the SA needs a wake-up call. A large number of students writing in a de facto vote of no confidence might be able to give them one. Though years of low turnout and grumblings of discontent have taken a toll on the institutional value of the SA, it has done little to effect the way the SA actually functions.

Unfortunately for students, there are few effective means by which we can register exactly how we feel about those who “represent” us in the SA. Penetrating the alternative reality that those in the SA live in is nearly impossible. Each year, we’re given a choice between equally over-ambitious SA insiders for various elected positions. Each year, no matter what these candidates claim they will do and represent, the student body gets shafted (with the notable Capp-Kroeger exception).

It is time to try something different. It’s time for us to register our vote of no-confidence in the SA. That is why this election season, I will be supporting a write-in candidate: Michael Jackson.

I’m sure to many this will seem like a big joke. And it partly is. But let’s face it: every SA election is a joke anyway, so why not let regular students like you and me join in on the “fun,” and get our point across as well. The idea isn’t to exact some sort of radical change. The idea is simply to re-engage the average GW student who does not participate in these elections because they no longer care. When you look at the facts, Michael Jackson is actually quite qualified to be SA president. Let’s review.

Michael Jackson has absolutely no idea how to manage his finances. He is a profligate spender who has no concept of responsible money management. Sounds qualified for the SA to me. Michael Jackson lives in an oblivious fantasy world where he is actually relevant to people’s lives. This is always a pre-requisite for the SA presidency. Michael Jackson is an ongoing PR nightmare. Much like our SA presidents, not only will he make dumb decisions, he will amplify them in how he hopelessly defends them.

I could go on and on with Jacko’s qualifications. Yes, I know he’s been accused of sexual misconduct. But given the actions of recent SA administrations, shouldn’t that be considered a qualification for the presidency as well?

Joking aside, it’s time for the GW student body to get serious about changing the way our money is spent, and how we are represented, by the SA. Perhaps giving disaffected students a method of registering their discontent will, in the long the run, work to increase participation in the process.

The more attentive this campus is to the functions of the SA, the better chance we stand to avoid governance catastrophes like the one we’re witnessing now. Give the SA’s Kanye West-sized egos a reality check and join me in sending a message of “No Confidence” to the SA leadership.

Write in your vote for Michael Jackson for SA president.

The writer is a junior majoring in Asian studies.

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