Now that some editor’s nephew has introduced him to Twitter, the media has decided that now is a better time than ever to cover this Revolutionary Technology That Will Forever Change Everything. Forever. But Twitter is not just for powerful people like Al Qaeda and Ryan Seacrest. No, you too can join this three-year-old revolution and become famous. Forever.

But twitterin’ ain’t easy and you’ll need a guide. And the only true educators in this country are famous people. There is no better place to go to for guidance.

1. No one is too unimportant.

Just because the only thing of value he ever did was drum on Limp Bizkit’s seminal “Three Dollar Bill, Yall$” was not a reason for drummer-turned-rapper John Otto (http://twitter.com/ottoj) to stay away from the service. In fact he has more than 700 people following his (apparently frequent) workouts: “What’s up people? About to do some cardio. Wake up!!”

2. Nothing is too unimportant.

So you skipped class because you were in a really good game of Halo 3 . That’s news! Poet Laureate Dave Matthews (http://twitter.com/DaveJMatthews) was very specifically “meeting some people about business stuff” and 69,029 people were delighted to hear about it.

3. Make it controversial

The best way to get attention is by mercilessly attacking someone in 140 characters or less. When Perez Hilton (http://twitter.com/perezhilton) called Ashton Kutcher’s daughter “a talentless famewhore!” he got the attention of all of Ashton’s followers! Pick a target and attack. Bob Vila of “This Old House” (http://twitter.com/bobvilacom) would probably respond furiously if you told him that his repair tips were poorly conceived.

4. Make sure your password is not “password.”

Or you will join journalist Rick Sanchez (http://twitter.com/ricksanchezcnn) in alerting the nation to the fact that you are “high on crack right now might not be coming into work today.”