Slice of Life: My Letter to Santa

Dear Santa,

It’s been awhile since I last wrote to you. To be honest, I’ve been a little upset ever since you didn’t bring me the Thomas the Tank Engine model train set I asked for back in kindergarten.

I know I’m a bit old to be writing you, but I’d like to ask you to put your elves to work on something to make life better for my fellow Colonials.

A tram system is at the top of my Christmas list. The Metro may be great for interns making coffee deliveries up to the Hill or for folks who live out in the boondocks of Northern Virginia, but the subway isn’t so useful for moving around inside the District, especially on weekend nights. For example, the area between Dupont and Logan Circle is a public transit black hole. And the walk to Georgetown can be surprisingly long when it’s freezing outside.

So, Santa, could we get some tramlines, just like they have in Europe?

I know you are busy, so I called Metro just to be sure they hadn’t already planned to build a tram network. A Metro spokesperson told me, “Metro has no plans to do that.”

However, I read in a Czech newspaper that D.C. has already purchased trams from a Czech manufacturer. The only problem is that there are no tracks for the streetcars. Can your elves bring us some track?

Second on the list: a new study abroad policy. Right now students must pay GW tuition when they go overseas. That means a student studying in Germany – where most universities are completely free – still has to pay GW tuition.

Nothing against the folks at the Office for Study Abroad, but the policy is ridiculous. If you could develop a better system, I know many Colonials that would be most gracious.

The University isn’t just about students. We have a lot of staff here, too. In fact, GW is the second-largest employer in D.C. So, I asked 15-year GW veteran Eydie Costantino – who runs the University Honors Program and knows GW better than anyone – what the staff would like from Santa.

Did you know the University isn’t closed the week between Christmas and New Year’s? While students are relaxing at home by the fire, University employees have to report for work. Do you think you could give them the week off for Christmas?

Eydie also told me to ask you bring back a sense of community to GW.

“We used to have it, but we don’t anymore. Everyone is out to get each other and we don’t work together,” she told me.

So, maybe you could leave some team spirit in the staff’s stockings this year.

Speaking of stocking stuffers, here’s a few more little things we could use: lower tuition, affordable housing, a Trader Joe’s that accepts GWorld, a GWireless network that always works well and more restaurants like Founding Farmers.

In closing, I have one personal request. My hairline is retreating faster than a French solider. And I feel embarrassed to go to CVS and buy Rogaine. It’s locked up in a special case, so I have to stand there and wait while they announce over the intercom, “Prematurely balding guy in aisle four. Someone unlock the Rogaine.”

Do you think you could discreetly slide some Rogaine into my stocking? Then nobody will have to know. Thanks!

I hope you and Mrs. Claus have a Merry Christmas. I’ll be sure to leave some eggnog out for you on Christmas Eve.

Merry Christmas from Washington,

Clayton

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