You, college-aged media consumer, are so smart.
So very, very smart.
Be it your scoffing at Zac Efron’s finely groomed coif or fondly recalling those naked cell phone pictures of Vanessa Hudgens, you get it: High School Musical is endlessly absurd.
You are perceptive, intensely so. I know this because I heard you making astute remarks over audience laughter in the theater during the most recent HSM installment, and I thought to myself how smart and subversive you were. You bought a ticket and chortled throughout the show, beguiling the masses with your tempered criticism.
Yes, talking in movie theaters is frowned upon. But how could you keep quiet? You knew things.
You noticed the illogicality of stream-of-consciousness song breaks.
Of a jock-turned-drama enthusiast. Or rather, of a jock-turned-drama enthusiast expecting nothing more from his girlfriend than the occasional kiss on the cheek or playful hair ruffle.
We agree. You’re smart. You understand the world.
I must say, oh college-aged media consumer: It’s impossible that a major corporation like Disney knows more than you. After all, you have read Don DeLillo’s “Underworld.” And Disney is, of course, racist. You know this because you are aware of things.
Did I mention how I was so impressed by your most astute point? You whispered it, but I listened.
Your favorite scene: It was (of course!) the one in which the ever-heroic Troy (Zac Efron) momentarily realized his love for Gabriella (Vanessa Hudgens) by feeding her a chocolate-covered strawberry. (Literally, this happened.) And you, young intellectual, you understood the subtext of a scene like this! You left the theater, questioning whether Disney was deceptively indoctrinating the youth of America with a conflict of sexual suppression.
You, college Disney lover, consume tween media brilliantly. And Disney, a corporation built on engaging an audience, has no idea you’ve caught on to them. (And no idea of the potential to shift target markets by layering films with multiple readings.) Disney knows none of this, and you know everything, irony-toting college viewer. Because you are, of course, so smart.