Comedian and actor Richard Lewis promised an audience at Lisner Auditorium Saturday night that their lives would seem better and “your vaginas will be fuller and your penises will be longer” after they saw his performance.
Covering a range of topics including religion, sex, politics and his own neuroses, Lewis played to a crowd familiar with his darker, largely self-deprecating themes.
In reference to his career in entertainment, Lewis said, “I’ve been a hoax for 39 years, and I appreciate your respecting me.”
He then focused on politics, saying he could never bash President George W. Bush “because he was a recovering coke addict, and I could never bash a brother.”
But Lewis voiced relief that Bush was almost out of office.
“I’d rather the guy get a blow job than go to the wrong country and ruin our economy,” he said.
Lewis also criticized Bush’s inability to find terrorist Osama bin Laden.
“The guy’s 6 foot 7. With a turban, he’s 7-1,” he said. “How hard can it be?”
With regard to the Republican ticket, Lewis also took issue with Republican presidential nominee Sen. John McCain.
“I’m not his friend. If he calls me his friend one more time…” he said, trailing off.
Lewis said he loves most of America.
“It’s just those 3 or 4 percent who are fucking us up,” he said.
The 61-year-old comedian drew applause when he announced that he is filming the seventh season of Larry David’s “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” which will air next month on HBO. He then transitioned into a story about glimpsing at NBA star Shaquille O’Neal’s penis while working on an episode of the show.
“If that’s a penis, then I have a spore,” Lewis bemoaned in comparison, as the self-described hypochondriac lamented about the various parts of his body that had begun to fail him as he approached old age.
Ending his set on the subject of pleasing a woman in bed, Lewis described his penis’ response to his wife saying “You’re doing it wrong!” He said it retracts in horror, packs up and moves out.
“He’s a drug lord in Mexico now,” Lewis said. “I’ve got to get him a green card and figure out how to get him back.”
