Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue.
The GW Treekiller obtained these AIM records of University President Supposedly Jobless Trachtenbye, who is a former congressman, and a GW student. Since these conversations were initially released, Trachtenbye resigned from his position saying he has an addiction to Manischewitz wine and was harassed by a rabbi in his youth.
SJTizzle1917 (7:25:14 PM): hey
Auto response from WannaBSenator (7:25:14 PM): searching for food but jst. is prob closed or reallllly slow, brb
SJTizzle1917 (7:25:25 PM): u there buddy?
SJTizzle1917 (7:25:35 PM): keep searching, those sodexho bums probly already went home to smoke some crack, haha, j/k
WannaBSenator (7:31:51 PM): nawh, im here. decided to just make myself some ramen noodles and then got bored and started daydreamin
SJTizzle1917 (7:32:13 PM): oh really?? about what?
WannaBSenator (7:32:17 PM): well i was thinking about the convo we had the other day and i was really hopin maybe that i could get an interview for that paf fellowship where i get free grad school
WannaBSenator (7:32:26 PM): ya know save me a bit of money
SJTizzle1917 (7:33:39 PM): oh cum on, lets not talk about that stuff now. ugh. ur all work and no play. brb
SJTizzle1917 (7:37:27 PM): so how my favorite young stud doing ??
WannaBSenator (7:37:46 PM): tired and sore
WannaBSenator (7:37:52 PM): lots of sa campaigning
SJTizzle1917 (7:38:04 PM): from what
WannaBSenator (7:38:34 PM): what do you mean from what
WannaBSenator (7:38:42 PM): from campaigning…im sore from campaigning
SJTizzle1917 (7:39:32 PM): tahts good
SJTizzle1917 (7:39:32 PM): you need a massage
SJTizzle1917 signed off at 7:39:37 PM. SJTizzle1917 signed on at 7:40:35 PM.
WannaBSenator (7:40:44 PM): got kicked off?
SJTizzle1917 (7:41:24 PM): must have …. resnet really blows, even in my office.
WannaBSenator (7:41:57 PM): my legs got sooo sore from all that walking around h street handing out palm cards…but i guess their getting more athletic
SJTizzle1917 (7:42:27 PM): love to watch that
SJTizzle1917 (7:42:33 PM): those great legs running , so soft, so smooth
WannaBSenator (7:42:38 PM): haha…they arent that great
SJTizzle1917 (7:43:27 PM): well dont ruin my mental picture
WannaBSenator (7:43:32 PM): oh lol…sorry
SJTizzle1917 (7:46:33 PM): did any girl give you any hot action this weekend
WannaBSenator (7:46:38 PM): lol no
WannaBSenator (7:46:40 PM): im single right now
SJTizzle1917 (7:47:11 PM): your getting horny at all?
WannaBSenator (7:47:29 PM): lol…a bit
SJTizzle1917 (7:48:00 PM): did you spank it this weekend yourself
WannaBSenator (7:48:04 PM): no
WannaBSenator (7:48:16 PM): been too tired and too busy with the sa, remember?
SJTizzle1917 (7:48:33 PM): wow…
SJTizzle1917 (7:48:34 PM): i am never to busy haha … lotion makes it easier too. u should try it. just steal some from the nearby hotels in their restrooms. i do it all the time!
WannaBSenator (7:48:51 PM): haha
WannaBSenator (7:50:57 PM): i dont do it very often normally though
SJTizzle1917 (7:51:11 PM): why not
SJTizzle1917 (7:51:22 PM): at your age seems like it would be daily
WannaBSenator (7:51:57 PM): not me
WannaBSenator (7:52:01 PM): im not a horn dog
SJTizzle1917 (7:52:50 PM): when ive gotten antsy, ive been known to go to my office balcony and just spluge off of wheat hall, right onto i street. saves though hot dog vendors a lot of money in refilling those mayonnaise jars.
SJTizzle1917 (7:53:24 PM): lol. ur not laughing?
WannaBSenator (7:53:30 PM): kinda gross, but whatevs.
WannaBSenator (7:53:34 PM): i was just thinking about this paf job. i think id be really good at answering phones for u and the other cool administrators like louis ‘scooter’ meoww and rawbot cheapass
WannaBSenator (7:53:36 PM): what do u think?
SJTizzle1917 (7:53:39 PM): ugh, cant u just talk about masturbation and sex without having to drag work into this
SJTizzle1917 (7:53:54 PM): oy veh
WannaBSenator (7:54:03 PM): sorry, but..um i just wanted to tlak about getting a real job, not just a hand job
SJTizzle1917 (7:54:13 PM): uve got a lot to learn kid, a lot
SJTizzle1917 (7:54:31 PM): well im off to lunch at the palm./ cya
SJTizzle1917 signed off at 7:54:43 PM.
-records obtained by Doofus
Condescending
