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The GW Hatchet

AN INDEPENDENT STUDENT NEWSPAPER SERVING THE GW COMMUNITY SINCE 1904

The GW Hatchet

Serving the GW Community since 1904

The GW Hatchet

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Officials name senior vice president, chief of staff
By Fiona Riley, Assistant News Editor • March 26, 2024

April Fool’s Issue: Program Board to bring the Wiggles to Spring Fling

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue.

Contrary to earlier reports that pianist Regina Spektor would be performing at this year’s Spring Fling, Program Board announced that it has booked famed children’s band The Wiggles to campus for the annual event, held April 14 this year. The Wiggles, known for hit songs like “Cocky Wants a Cracker” and “Dance the Gloomies Away,” will perform their stage act “Wiggle Dancing LIVE! In the USA” for what Program Board hopes will be an unprecedented crowd.

“We have high hopes that these Australian superstars will help make this the best Spring Fling ever,” says Chairperson Zacarias Moussaoui. “The Wiggles are the biggest name Program Board has ever brought to GW, and we1re extremely proud of that.”

“I think it’s safe to say I won’t be attending Spring Fling this year. My mom, however, is driving down from Bethesda with my little sister,” said freshman Mary Burberry.

Others, like sophomore Johnny Blunt, have, well, higher expectations for the performance: “Dude, I1m going to get so baked for the Wiggles. The Wiggles, man!”

-Sally Bigmouth

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