Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue.

Monday

Nude fashion
All proceedes from the show will go to the Clothe a Child charity.
8 a.m. to 6 p.m.
Marvin Center Continental Ballroom
Sponsored by the Stickitupyourass Association and GW Pornstars

Screening of “24: The life of a sloth”
This epic documentary uses the 24 real-time format to capture every moment of a useless sloth’s life.
6:30 p.m. to the rest of ever
Jack Morton Auditorium
Sponsored by GW Snotty Bitches, Pretentious professors and Old Man Schenley

Tuesday

Let’s Burn Shit
Join the College Pyromaniacs for an all-night burning spree around Foggy Bottom. Bring your own flame-throwers and fire-retardant clothing. Participants will need to sign a waiver before being let loose on the streets.
7:15 p.m. to 3 a.m.
Meet at City Hall 711 to get some beer and gasoline
Sponsored by the Pyromaniacs