April Fools’ Issue: The Bar Belle: DJ’s Fast Break

Reader’s note: This story is satirical in nature and published in a spoof issue.

Whhoaa whoa whoa holy shit I’m STARVING give me some motha’ fuckin’ PANCAKES!!!!! I mean, SHIT! Hey, hey hey you know I don’t speak Spanish! Hey can I get me some chickin with that? No? Not with pancakes? How about on a bagel? WITH RICE!


Whoa ok now. I think I need something with some substance to soak up all the alkeeeeehawl, ‘ya know? BACON! Yea, that’s it!

?Can I have some mystery sauce on my pancakes? ?Can you make them nanner pancakes!?



Listen, listen listen to me. Your floor is fucking filthy. Clean that shit.

I gotta go to the bathroom- wait, I have to go upstairs? There’s an upstairs? Do you live up there? Ohhhh ho ho ho! Tricky tricky!

I’ll also have a green nanner (that’s code for bananner.)

Hey! Hey you, over there! I know you! We had STAT together! Hey, what’s the standard deviation of ??Peanut Sauce??

WOW! What a great selection of beverages! NANTUCKET- more like NAN-FUCK-IT!

CHOCO_MILK! Mmmmmm 0 wait, that doesn’t mix well with alcahol- that’s throw up right there, son.

???Where are your forks!?!? I need a fork!!!

(and a knife)

These better not be microwaved pancakes, either. I can tell the difference! My tastebuds are to breakfast like puppies are to breakfast…?or something like that?

?Hey, do you sell beer? CERVEZA! ?S?? ?No?

Belle Rating

4 Belles

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