Reader’s Note: This story is satirical and was published in a spoof issue.

A yearlong Shocker investigation into the D.C. Public School system and the Office of Planning has revealed that Foggy Bottom’s acclaimed School Without Walls does in fact have walls.

“I couldn’t believe it … all these years they’ve been lying about the walls,” said a student who requested anonymity. “They should call it the School Without Truth.”

The Shocker began the investigation last year after noticing the building had a roof, and that students couldn’t see into classrooms from the street, as they would be able to if the school didn’t have walls. Editors suspected that a roof had to be supported by something, which later turned out to be walls. After spending more than 200 man-hours and hiring a team of researchers, The Sanitizer came to its conclusion. Not only did the investigation uncover outside walls, it also found that there were many smaller walls separating rooms inside the school.

The initial shock of the findings sent crews constructing the new bizness school into a frenzy because they figured that all buildings in Foggy Bottom didn’t have walls and rushed to quickly install walls on GW’s great tribute to capitalism. One worker was found crying at DJ’s Indigestion due to the overwhelming work he was about to undertake.

Another strong reaction came out of Rice Hall, where University President Stephen J. Trachtenbugga was outraged to learn the school indeed had partitions between rooms on the inside.

“GW’s partnership with the school in recent years has had nothing to do with academics or school supplies, but rather building them walls,” he said.

When the School Without Walls principal heard the news, she resigned in disgrace. Barion Marry, D.C.’s principal for life, said he is willing to take over that roll because of his experiences in what he termed “the greatest school without walls there is … the streets of D.C. Now pass that crack pipe.”