Reader’s Note: This story is satirical and was published in a spoof issue.

Several students are facing expulsion following a sorority-sponsored charity hopscotch tournament on University Yard that violated GW regulations for Greek-letter groups Saturday afternoon.

The sorority violated statute AA-6.58732, which prohibits unrecognized fraternities, ugly people and girls who don’t own Uggs from participating in any type of sorority-sponsored activity. Several hooligans from an unrecognized fraternity showed up and hopped like ridiculous fools to raise money at the event, which benefited children suffering from cancer.

The hopscotch tournament was on pace to raise nearly $10,000 for the children, but that all changed when Director of Sucking Allthefunoutta College Toad Miller showed up. Miller drove to campus from his Maryland home, where he was celebrating his wedding anniversary, to break up the objectionable display of schoolyard fun.

“This is not a University recognized hopscotch tournament,” Miller said as he pushed several cancer-stricken children to the ground. “You think this unrecognized stuff is a joke? Well, think again. I’m through playing games, and so are you.”

He added, “What are you crying about, kid? You wanna cry? SAC will make you cry.”

Sorority members said they had a valid reason to violate the statute and allow the hooligans to play hopscotch.

“Well, we already let them violate our bodies,” said Shieza Ho, deputy communications vice president of philanthropy and scrapbook making for the Coka Snorta sorority.

The University put a virtual restraining order on unrecognized Greek-letter groups after realizing several years ago that they were just trying to have fun and not do any of the meaningless things required of recognized organizations. The unrecognized groups have been kicked off campus for various actions unheard of for recognized fraternities, such as throwing parties and hazing pledges.

The sorority had to take back the money it raised for Cancer Kids and vow to never visit them in the hospital again. The parties involved may also be kicked out of school for the major infraction.