Reader’s Note: This story is satirical and was published in a spoof issue.
Special from the Daily Minuteman
POSTED 4:47:12 a.m.
According to a University press release, a broken tile in the basement of Ivory Tower has been repaired.
“A broken tile in the basement of Ivory Tower has been repaired,” the press release said.
“I guess all there is to say is that the tile was broken, and then we fixed it,” said Mousy Shortstuff, director of propaganda and hiding bad things that happen to GW. “Why are you writing an article about this?”
Shortstuff expressed consternation about how this blog obtained her phone number.
According to the press release, the tile was white and had a crack moving diagonally from the upper right to the lower left corner. The release also said that it was repaired last Saturday.
According to Daily Minuteman exit polls of students in Ivory Tower, 0.0 percent of students cared about the repair. An additional 0.7 students had heard of this blog.
According to the press release, which was released on Saturday, Ivory Tower is one of the most popular dining venues on campus. A photo essay of Pita Pit can be seen online at www.dailyminuteman.com.
“As a professional journalist for over 35 years and a two-time Pulitzer Prize winner for the Nonexistent Times-Dispatch, I realize that even the most mundane events are worthy of up-to-the minute coverage,” said ILike DePonytail, the author of this article. “I love to teach and share my wealth of experiences I’ve learned from SMPA 50.”
Toad Miller, director of Sucking Allthefunfrom College, said he appreciated the up-to-the-minute coverage of GW’s efforts to improve student life.
“Every time I open The Shocker read about something bad that’s happened. It never covers anything good we do,” Miller said. “For instance, last week, I gave a dime to a homeless person and won a tennis match. Why didn’t The Shocker cover that?”
-The GW Shocker contributed the writing and reporting for this story.