At one time or another in a sexual relationship, you hit a point when new frontiers are either conquered or avoided. There’s the pushing of one’s head towards another’s lap; the slipping of multiple digits into one’s orifice; and the possible entry into one’s body saved for only a select few.
The topic of anal sex seems to have two responses, the raising of eyebrows or the raising of upchuck reflexes. It is something that we rarely talk about, and a place that has become the last of sexual conquests. To say that anal sex is a sensitive matter is a pun in itself. But how does one enter into the conversation of anal sex, let alone the act?
My friend Derek is not only a self-proclaimed “man-ho and playa,” but a doorman at one of New York City’s hottest night spots. Parting the red velvet ropes for the Olsen twins and the Hilton sisters has become as common for him as checking his e-mail.
Derek not only knows the ins and outs of most exclusive spots on the celeb party circuit, he knows how to gain access to all that is the human anatomy. I asked him how he constantly goes where no man has gone before. Let’s just say he takes his work home with him.
“To be part of the social and sexual elite, you have to possess something that nobody else has. You have to be cool, confident and be able to talk your way into anything and anywhere. On the job, I learned that not just anybody gains entry into my world, and even a lesser few get into the coveted VIP section. But that’s where the action is. You gotta be special and do something extra for me to get in through the back door. Anal sex is the same as bouncing – you gotta be special to get into the back entrance.”
But what is that somethin’ somethin’ that makes either you or your partner comfortable with anal sex? For Derek, it’s the line of celebrity whores dying to grace Page Six. But what about the rest of us living in the real world without video cameras? Besides the lubricant and sweet talk, how do partners enter the sweet spot? According to the University of California School of Medicine, 25 percent of heterosexual American adults have tried anal sex. And 5 percent to 10 percent do it on a regular basis.
Within a sociological context, these numbers are highly significant. When I asked Derek the entry statistics to his coveted, red-carpeted back room, he said that less than one percent get into the VIP section. Apparently, the back door is more accessible than prestigious nightlife. But without a secret knock and a billion in the bank, how do you cross the sexual velvet ropes?
A night out with the ladies always brings me sexual info normally reserved for therapists. But by buying a few rounds of drinks, they give me the good stuff only confessed to priests on Sunday. Like the act itself, anal sex conversation is both tricky and uncomfortable to get into. Once you’re in, however, a whole new world opens up.
I asked the girls if anal was something they dabbled in, or at least considered once or twice. Ashley made a face like she was going to vomit while Lynn took the sexy, cynical approach. “I’ve always thought that red wine was the best lubrication,” Lynn said. “Once you’re loose enough, who knows where the day may take you?”
Ashley, a bit younger in years but open to swapping sex stories, said her books are closed when it comes to her butt. Ashley told me that not only the fear of pain made her queasy, but the feeling of being known as the girl who takes it up the rear. As if anal sex leads to cattle branding and social seclusion.
Of course she did admit she felt the same way about oral back in high school, so maybe with a few years and the right guy under her belt, Ashley could be ready to let someone into her VIP section. Her puritanical concept of anal sex got me thinking about my own undergraduate sex-capades – about one of the many cherries I picked off the virginity tree.
Ryan was one of the hottest guys in my freshman class. I am proud to say I was the first one to explore Ryan’s belt. Or was I? He told me he had a high school girlfriend whom he slept with a few times. But with her religious beliefs, she could not have vaginal sex. Anal sex, however, was completely acceptable. So in order to protect her mortal soul, Ryan only had anal sex with her. How many straight guys out there can say his first, second and thirtieth time was strictly anal?
Ryan not only prepared himself for anal sex – he preferred it. Ryan simply couldn’t settle for standing room only after living in VIP land. Fast forward to now, Ryan got back together with his high school sweetheart. I hear they are very happy together.
What about the people out there that didn’t enter through the back door on their first time? What makes people willing to engage in anal sex?
A friend of mine who chooses to remain nameless sat down with her partner and I to discuss anal. She told me that anal sex for her is something like virginity. She had saved it for the right person. “Ashley is right, people talk, and I don’t want people talking about my ass. Unless they say how hot it looks in jeans. I waited until I knew I had something special with my boyfriend. Anal sex is extremely intimate. Everything about it is different. You feel closer to your partner. There has to be trust when you engage in anal sex. It truly does change your relationship.”
Her boyfriend went on to tell me how surprised he was when she brought up the anal conversation. “I didn’t want to push,” he chuckled. “I always let her know that I respected her body. I guess that’s why she felt safe with me. With anal sex, it isn’t about positioning or lubrication, it’s about communication. You have to be completely in sync with your partner, and loving her doesn’t hurt either.”
Anal sex to many is the highest form of intimacy and trust. At the bottom of it all, it is left to those who are a bit adventurous and totally comfortable with themselves and their partner. Getting in through the velvet ropes and into the back door can be tricky, but in the end it’s as simple as getting into the newest hot spot. Be comfortable in your own skin, be happy with the person you are with, get ready for a good time and save the back room for very important persons.