Sex column: “Was it good for you?”

Having recently returned from the land of lame shags, I began to pay close attention to my body and the sensations that run through it. I know when I’m hungry because my stomach growls. I know when I’m tired because my eyes droop. And I know when sex is bad because I feel nothing at all. But how do I know for sure when sex is good? And not just for me, but for him? With all of my romantic mishaps and sexual encounters, I have always been faced with the question, “Was it good for you?”

What makes good sex? For me, it’s the orgasm, the quintessential factor of good sex. Why see the movie if you miss the ending? I thought my friends would agree with me, but apparently, it isn’t all about the orgasm.

My next thought is one’s understanding of the ancient Indian art of Kama Sutra. In my experience, a one-stop shop doesn’t cut it between the sheets. Part of my good sex curve is my partner knowing how to pull off different positions, and of course knowing how to switch them up with as little effort as possible.

Good sex for me must be adventurous and always come with a happy ending. When I went with some friends to swap secrets, my ladies and gentleman told me my definition of good sex was amiss – too focused on the ending. Instead, I needed to treat it like an Oreo cookie: with the best part in the middle.

The women I spoke to explained that climaxing isn’t as important as the efforts that get you there. “Good sex is when you sweat. There’s a little bit of talking, taking direction and being in sync – like the band. You have to be in it together and moving together,” my friend Michelle said. “Sweating is the key though, that’s when you know it’s good.”

I also called my friend Rick, whom I knew had more than a few notches on his belt. Rick’s definition was two-fold – both dependent on his partner and him. “If she can’t catch her breath, that’s some good sex,” he said. “But good sex also depends on the girl I’m with. There is nothing worse than a girl who is scared of sex. I love a woman who has no inhibitions, who will make the sex good for her and me at once.”

According to some doctors, good sex can also be attributed to good health. Doctor Anthony Fiore, a medical researcher, said, “When we experience intimate, mutually caring sexual intimacy, we may experience a measurable change in neurochemicals and hormones that pour through the body and help promote health and healing.”

Not only can good sex brighten your mood, bring you and your partner together and give you something to gossip about with your friends, it can actually boost your health.

A fine actor, Billy Baldwin, said in the movie “Threesome,” “Sex is like pizza, even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good.” To all of you out there worrying about performance, size and orgasms, take the words of Michelle and Rick to heart – it’s the in-between time that counts. And if you are good at that, then pat yourself on the back. You had yourself some good sex.

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