Column: As age goes up, men go down

As you get older, you begin to acquire new tastes. Beer and red wine become savory when they used to taste sour. Politics becomes interesting when in the past it was a bore. And sexually you become more willing to orally communicate, both verbally and physically.

In college, I thought oral sex was an urban legend. Some girls would talk about mind-blowing orgasms from oral sex. Where were these willing college boys so eager to share their talent to please? For me, it was only a drunken few or steady boyfriend that would actually perform the deed – and it wasn’t anything to write home about. In the ’90s, women needed to be a cunning linguist – able to talk their way into receiving oral – in order to get some cunnilingus. If oral was going down, it certainly wasn’t going down around me.

But in my early twenties I entered a new dimension. Suddenly, men were dropping like flies. I remember having to drop hints to get a guy to drop to his knees. Now guys practically line up and take numbers for the chance. What’s happening? When did men become willing performers of oral sex? If sex is like beer and red wine, have men finally acquired a taste for oral sex?

Last week I rallied my troops over many a round to get to the bottom of oral. My friend Mitch told me he was never hesitant to go down, he just never felt welcome. He said the women he hooked up with didn’t seem too keen on the idea of him visiting south of their border. And, if he knew he wouldn’t have his passport stamped, he wouldn’t try to haggle with border patrol. What he didn’t realize until recently was that the women weren’t displeased by his oral attempts, but with themselves and their bodies.

“When they weren’t comfortable with themselves they were trying to please me, now as they get older and more comfortable, I get to please them,” Mitch said. “For me, that’s what it’s all about. If you can’t get your partner to feel good, then what’s the point?”

I had to dig a bit deeper into the unknown world of man for more answers. So I logged onto the popular male Web site, askmen.com, which gives sex instructions, tips and techniques on oral. Where were these guys during my college years?

The site fosters a pro-oral community, instructing men to stop, drop and roll with their women. “When it comes time for oral sex, some men avoid performing it while others view it as a chore,” one article on the site said. “Because men don’t value the power of good oral sex, they pay little attention to detail and fall short of creativity with their cunnilingus performance … If you want to be a great lover, you have to view oral sex as a main dish served in a variety of ways.”

Although he acknowledged that women are more likely to orgasm during oral sex, he basically said they climax because the guy is a “great lover.” Yes, oral is great for women, but he made it sound like it was better for the male ego than the female body. I had to eliminate the men. Men are not the only sex partners for women, so I called my friend in New York, Laura, to see if she has found the same trends in her oral sex life. Did her girlfriends, like wine, taste better with age?

Laura told me she too had problems early on, with both giving and receiving. “It wasn’t that I was uncomfortable with the way my body looked, but of what my body could do for someone else. I didn’t want to disappoint my girlfriends, so I rarely went down. It was only when I felt comfortable talking with them about it, and talking them through it, that I became comfortable. My girlfriend and I have been together for years, so we feel that we can talk about anything, our wants, our desires, and the way we like our oral. It just has to do with you being comfortable with your partner. And that is what ripens with age – your comfort with sex and sex acts.”

Even my friend Kara, who’s in a serious heterosexual relationship, agreed. “I’d say older guys are far more willing to perform the dirty deed,” she said.?”I remember in high school my boyfriend would get all embarrassed. Boys that age aren’t as much about pleasing the lady as they are about, um, busting a nut.?When they get older and are looking for companionship and a sexual partner, they realize a satisfied woman is much more fun to be around than a sexually frustrated one, so they start experimenting with the oral.”

And there it was. Laura and Kara, both in long term relationships with different sexual orientations, agreed that when a man or woman is more interested in their sex partner, and not just a piece of ass, they are more willing to perform and receive cunnilingus. So does the increase of age correlate to a woman’s sex partner wanting to take a ride downtown? Most definitely. Once one is comfortable in their own skin, and touching the skin of their partner, the ego drops and they do too.

For all of you ladies out there waiting for a man or woman to give you kisses on all of your pink parts, you have three options. First, suck it up, pun intended, and wait it out. Second, date someone older. Or third, stand up for your sexual desires and talk openly with you partner about the pleasures of oral communication and stimulation. You don’t want to be waiting around wasting a man’s sexual peak years. You don’t want your girlfriend hesitant to drop because she doesn’t want to disappoint you. As your oracle of oral I say, heads up ladies, men and women are down with going down, so open your mouth and ask for it.

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