*** You are about to read a completely unscientific, biased survey of the very best that GW and D.C. have to offer. Some topics are serious while others just aren’t, but we promise you that all answers are completely unsupported by sound statistical evidence. In fact, answers were compiled by The Hatchet staff with some help from our friends. Hopefully, though, if you’re an incoming freshman, you’ll learn a few things about the campus, the city and some of the characters you will inevitably encounter at GW.
The Student Life
Best student-run campus service – Campus Snacks. You can buy everything from DVDs to beer pong balls to Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. And no matter what you order, it’s delivered with a free condom.
Best off-campus place to study – Anywhere on the National Mall.
Best campus building – Strong Hall. As underrated as the dormitory is, it has the best roof on campus.
Best class to take when your GPA needs a shot in the arm – Human Sexuality. We hear you even get to watch porn. Labs would be real interesting.
Best creative and performing arts course to fulfill your Columbian College GCR – Understanding the Theater or Understanding the Dance. Both are also great GPA-boosters. If you take the dance class, be ready to perform in a recital at the end of the semester. Invite your friends; they’ll love seeing you on stage.
Best Program Board event – Spring Fling. It’s just like Fall Fest because there are musicians, mechanical bull-riding and jousting where you can beat up your roommate. But it’s springtime for short skirts, flip-flops, burgers and dunk tanks.
Best place to check out girls – Kogan Plaza.
Best place to check out guys – Georgetown.
Best sex shop – Sinsations in Georgetown. Guys, show up with a big-breasted female and the woman who works there will show you her boobs, no lie!
Best public place to take a nap – The Hippodrome couches.
Best place to hook up in Thurston if you’re roommate is home – The shady bathrooms in the laundry room.
Best bar/club to vomit at – Singapore Bistro. With 18-to-get-in parties regularly, a night out to the Bistro usually involves heavy pre-gaming. No one’s college career at GW is complete until you pray to the Porcelain Gods at this dive.
Best place to get free food – Kogan Plaza. During the early fall or spring on weekday afternoons, you can usually find some campus group grilling burgers and hot dogs (for the vegetarians, they also usually offer veggie burgers). And if the campus feminists are performing the Vagina Monologues, you can probably cash in on free vagina cookies.
But if you’re looking for free goodies, every upperclassman knows CI is the place to be.
Best way to convert Colonial Cash into cold, hard cash – Go to one of the CVS’s that take Colonial Cash and buy a CVS debit card. It’s good everywhere, and we promise it works.
Best haircut for your buck (male) – Puglisi’s barber shop. It’s even good enough for President Trachtenberg and Ben Stein to get their hair trimmed, though still cheap. Located on 21st Street, between TGI Friday’s and The Capitol Grounds.
Best place to park on campus for free and not get a ticket – The parking garage cattycorner from Gelman. There’s no attendant after 2 a.m., so if you time it right, it’s the next best thing to hitting the lottery.
Best place to print for free – SMPA 4th floor (or you roommate’s computer).
Best J Street worker – The really friendly guy that works at Subway. He always makes your hoagie with a smile. (Though technically not in a food venue on the first floor, Dale from Big Burger, a.k.a. the cool guy with the goggles on his head, also earns this title.)
Best non-student resident in the dormitories – Old Man Schenley. He’s the nicely tanned older gentleman that suns himself on the bench outside The Schenley. Some say he’s the father of the atomic bomb; others think he’s a former Olympian.
Best student to start a philanthropy event – Senior Judah Ferst, Buzzing for Change. The event, which will be held again April 10, 2005, benefits children with cancer by raising money while people shave their heads or cut their hair to donate to Locks of Love. Last fall, the first-annual event raised $18,000 that went toward laptops for the children’s oncology unit at the Children’s National Medical Center in Washington.
Email firstname.lastname@example.org for more information.
Best known Foggy Bottom resident – Donald Kreuzer. The long-time Foggy Bottom resident owns the three townhouses next to the brand new Ivory Tower residence hall. The University finally settled a lawsuit with him this year after a lengthy court battle over the construction of the dorm.
Best students to launch a Web site that everyone at GW has a link to in their AIM profile – Juniors Bert Garcia and Adam “Skippy” Connor. Both guys are members of the Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity and are the creators of the “You Know You Go to GW if…” and “You (Still) Know You Go to GW if…” Web sites. Spend the next 45 minutes reading the lists at http://www.student.seas.gwu.edu/~sigberto/gotogw.html.
Best GW men’s basketball player – Pops Mensah-Bonsu. His dunks put GW basketball on ESPN’s “SportsCenter,” and his name means “Whale Killer.” It’s also pretty clear that he’s the fan favorite, as you can see students in the stands waving around boxes of Kellogg’s Corn Pops and throwing them everywhere when he completes an amazing play.
Best GW women’s basketball player – Anna Monta?ana. Can you throw a behind-the-back pass or hit a game winner from half court as time expires? I don’t think so.
Best student protesters – The Students for Workers’ Rights people. This past spring, the University arrested 11 students (9 GW, 2 Georgetown) for holding a silent protest in the Great Hall of the Marvin Center. The University never pressed charges, but days after the incident the group held a rally on Kogan Plaza featuring Sen. Ted Kennedy (D-Mass.) as a speaker.
Best place to find a folding table to use for beer pong – Kogan Plaza.
Best Irish pub – Kelly’s Irish Times, 14 F St. N.W.
Best margaritas – Lauriol Plaza. Get your margaritas by the glass or by the pitcher, strawberry swirled or regular. Their sangria pitchers are equally as yummy and equally alcoholic. Aside from their drinks, their Mexican and Tex-Mex cuisine was voted washingtonpost.com’s “Best Latin American Restaurant” in the Best Bets 2002 and 2003 Reader’s Choice contests. They don’t take reservations, so get there early, especially on weekends, to avoid waits that often exceed one hour. 1835 18th St. N.W.
Best cliched activity to do while drunk – Midnight monument tour. The sights of D.C. never get old, especially at the end of a fine evening. Sit on Einstein’s lap, pay homage to Thomas Jefferson, then sober up and watch the sun rise from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. On a foggy or frosty morning, go over to the Korean War Memorial and the statues of the soldiers look almost supernatural as they peek out of the fog at daybreak. It’s worth an all-nighter.
Best place to get your fake ID confiscated – McFadden’s Restaurant and Saloon. Don’t go there until you’re really 21. 2400 Pennsylvania Ave. N.W.
Best pizza that’s the size of your head – Pizza Mart, 2445 18th St. N.W.
Best 24-hour eating establishment – IHOP, on Stafford Street one block from the Ballston-MU Metro station
Best Chinese delivery – Hunan Peking.
Best Froggy Bottom Pub food special – Half-price pizza Mondays, 2142 Pennsylvania Ave. N.W.
Best pizza delivery – Armand’s Chicago Pizzeria, 1140 19th St. N.W.
Best grocery store that isn’t the Watergate Safeway – Whole Foods, go there yourself or have them deliver to your dorm! 14th and P streets N.W.
Best Manouch hot dog – The GW Special, complete with Manouch’s original GW Sauce
Best place to eat on Colonial Cash – Sizzling Express, Columbia Plaza
Best burger – Clyde’s of Georgetown, 3222 M St. N.W.
This article appeared in the June 20, 2004 issue of the Hatchet.