The Morning After

Chick
Before deciding what the next step in your relationship is, it’s important that you both know where the other one is in the said relationship. If you just got together in the last few weeks, you could be waiting for a marriage proposal, while he could be ready to throw you to the curb after Commencement.

But if you both truly care about each other, why is this a question? Distance can be a pain and plane tickets and cell phone bills are pricey, but it’s usually just a temporary separation. Even if you’re moving to a different city to start a job, the distance thing will work itself out – it just might take a little more effort from both of you.

Think of the benefits of not spending every minute of your lives together. The reunion will be highly anticipated. You’ll see each other at last and sparks will fly, a chorus will sing and all that jazz, and then you’ll sneak away to hump like bunnies. It’ll be fabulous.

And if you decide to try the long-distance relationship, be sure to be honest with one other. Lay down some rules first. For instance, are meaningless (read: drunken) soft-core hookups OK? One of you will be bound to crack, so just be up-front about it before anything too serious happens. Unless you catch him with his clothes in a heap on the floor and in bed with some other chick, then it’s all fair game.

Dick
Staying together over the summer, especially if you are going to be in different towns, is about as good of an idea as trying to pick up girls with your fly down drinking a Tequila Sunrise. It just isn’t going to work out.

Best-case scenario, you come back from summer and you are happy to see her because you had such a godforsaken time masturbating while you were apart. Worst-case scenario, she is a psychotic who has joined the feminist movement because of the pain and anguish you caused her. The worst thing about this scenario is that you probably didn’t even do anything wrong, but some perceived tone in your voice one night was enough to make her think something slightly worse than the Philly fake-out had just taken place.

A break isn’t what it sounds like either. For guys it translates to “I’m free, and when we get back I can get ass from her.” But for her, a break means “He doesn’t have to tell people about me, but I can tell people about him, and he wouldn’t even know.”

Just about the worse thing that anyone can do is move in with their significant other during a summer in the middle of college just because it’s convenient. Three months of marriage and then a forced separation is going to do nothing except make everyone’s life a little messy, especially next year’s roommate.

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