Spoof Issue: Meal order arrives two years late

Reader’s Note: This story is satirical and was published in a spoof issue.

A Jew-W alumnus unexpectedly received his food from TGI Thursday’s this week, two years after placing his order.

Sheldon P. Jobless, who graduated from the University in 2002, said he received the old order of Buffalo wings and a cheeseburger during a visit to D.C. for a job interview this week.

“This was totally unexpected,” said Jobless, standing outside the student hangout. “I barely even remember this place, but now this brings back so many memories of how much Thursday’s sucks.”

Jobless said that he visited the restaurant with a group of friends one night during senior year but left when, after three hours, their food was nowhere to be seen. Jobless said he was shocked to finally receive his cold plate of grub.

“At first I told the waitress it wasn’t my order, but then I realized that I was sitting at the same table as the night we didn’t get our order,” he said.

Jobless added that the burger was “totally cold” and “way overcooked,” and complained that the wings, which were intended as an appetizer, came after the main meal.

“You’d think that even with two years to prepare it, they would be able to get it right,” a disgusted Jobless said. “There wasn’t even ketchup on the table.”

Jobless said he refused to pay for the meal and had to haggle with the manager to receive the cold patty of two-year-old beef on the house.

Mary Jane Toker, a friend of Jobless who ordered with him on the fateful night, said she received a call from her old friend saying her food was ready.

“At first I didn’t believe it, but then I remembered how terrible the service was,” she said.

Professor of psychology Raymond T. Mindfuck said Jobless is suffering from “Thursday’s Amnesia.”

“The student was unable to stay away from the Thursday’s restauthat he clearly knew had poor service,” Mindfuck said. “Some students have been known to black out after an extended lack of Thursday’s mediocre fare and see stripes of red and white.”

Jobless admitted he didn’t know why he revisited the local Thursday’s restaurant.

“Yeah, I guess I knew the service would suck,” he said.

After a brief pause, Jobless said, “You know, I don’t know where we’ll eat tonight, but Thursday’s sounds sort of good.”

The Hatchet has disabled comments on our website. Learn more.