Reader’s Note: This story is satirical and was published in a spoof issue.

* You are double majoring in political science and international affairs

* You know what “MCGB” stands for

* You kick people out of housing for smoking pot but smoke pot yourself

* You are a student and have an office in the Marvin Center

* You paid for votes at a College Democrats endorsement hearing

* You put Dave Matthews Band quotes in your AIM profile or away message

* Your screen name includes the abbreviation “pres” and the years 2020 or 2024

* You applied to be on Colonial Cabinet … and didn’t get it

* You refer to popular campus locations as “Hell Well,” “Provo,” “Club Gelman” or “the DROME”

* You drive a Mercedes, BMW or Lexus on campus

* You wear a pink Yankees or Red Sox hat for two weeks a year but don’t know anything about sports

* You rock your collar up

* You wear pants with words written on the ass

* Your last name rhymes with “smaleo” or “tart”

* You sell yourself for sex and call yourself an entrepreneur

* You wear make-up, Uggs and a miniskirt to work out at the gym

* You have been in the SA Senate for 10 years

* You are a member of both the College Democrats and College Republicans

* You worry if people will be able to tell that your Prada bag is fake

* You eat at Cone E. Island every day

* You bought cotton candy or giant pretzels at Fan Fare

* You have multiple internships during one semester

* You wear a suit to class

* You have a link to a “HOW NEW JERSEY ARE YOU?!” quiz in your profile

* You use Soapy Joe’s laundry service

* You go tanning before spring break

* You paid for a housing number

* You are obsessed with “West Wing” or “The O.C.”