Reader’s Note: This story is satirical and was published in a spoof issue.
Acclaimed director and black activist Spike Lee announced yesterday his intention to direct the next round of campaign advertisements championing President George W. Bush for reelection in 2004.
“I was never interested in Spike’s movies much, but I finally rented ‘Do the Right Thing’ because Colin and Condi just wouldn’t shut up about it,” Bush said. “I never thought I’d like it, but the scene where all the characters are just looking right at you, making fun of all the different races, was intense.”
Secretary of State Colin Powell and National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice could not be reached for comment.
“The cast was really, really impressive,” the president continued. “Danny Aiello and John Turturro should’ve won Oscars.”
Bush could not recall the names of any other cast members, who include Samuel L. Jackson, Martin Lawrence, Bill Nunn, Giancarlo Esposito and Lee himself.
Impressed by the intensity of the film, Bush directed members of his reelection campaign to contact Lee, who was at first hesitant to lend his artistic capabilities to the Republican president’s cause for fear of an inadequate paycheck. After some convincing and a substantial dollar sum, however, Lee jumped on board.
“I realized that whether you’re black or white, the only color that really matters is green,” Lee said. “I’m looking forward to working with George.”
Lee then continued to count his stacks of $100 bills.
Perennial Lee collaborator Chuck D has also signed on to provide music for the ads. He plans to remix his classic Public Enemy song “Fight the Power” to include new lyrics such as “Kerry was a hero to most/But he never meant shit to me/A straight-up Commie, the sucker is simple and plain/Motherfuck him and fuck Dean.”
Flavor Flav will not be contributing to the effort, as he has already used all his vacation time from his job at McDonald’s.