Q: I’m trying to land this girl, and I’m not having much luck. She’s friendly enough, but when the moment comes, I get left hanging there. Her friends say she won’t hook up with me because she thinks I’m sketchy. That might be partially true, but I still really want to nail her. How do I convince her I’m
a nice guy?
-Sketchy with blueballs
Chick: There is something very wrong with the phrases “I still really want to nail her. How do I convince her I’m a nice guy?” If you only want to sleep with this girl and you are not interested in anything else, then you are horny, not nice. You also deserve your “sketchy” reputation – it’s one thing to be horny, but it’s another to manipulate the situation and pretend you’re something you’re not just to get laid. I therefore have no advice to give you; I want no part in luring innocent girls into your bed, so I suggest you stick with porn to get you through those lonely nights.
Dick: It sucks when the friends play the sketchy card. It should be outlawed. The only thing harder to overcome is the “just friends” category. The best way to convince her you are a nice guy and not sketchy is to prove it to her friends by hooking up with them; then she will see it’s all good. Sometimes, though, it’s just not possible to land a girl. Women are an impossible species to understand. The best thing to do is give it one more go, then lay off for a week or two and then go at it again, but by then you probably will have found a new girl.
This article appeared in the October 27, 2003 issue of the Hatchet.