Battle of the Sexes

Q: I’ve been going to the gym and lifting weights for the past three months. However, I can’t seem to get rid of my, well, “man boobs.” Are they a turnoff to most girls? I feel really self-conscious taking my shirt off in front of a new girlfriend. What can I do to get rid of them?
Chesty Male

Chick:Unfortunately, there’s no way to “spot treat” anything on your body. There’s no secret exercise to get rid of love handles or, in your case, man boobs. It might be genetic, but whether it is or isn’t, an overall loss of fat should help reduce them. So keep working out at the gym because you will get results (the endorphin boost should help you, too). And you’re certainly not alone – a lot of guys have over-developed chests. While I wouldn’t call them a turn-on, it’s not nearly as much of an issue as you think. Girls are generally so self-conscious of their hips, thighs and boobs that they won’t be looking out for your so-called imperfections. Keep in mind that if you define yourself by your man boobs, others will, too. But if you come across as a guy confident in his own skin, girls will flock to you because you’ll make them feel less self-conscious about their own “flaws.” Nothing is sexier than confidence.

Dick: Yes, they are a turnoff. Although they may be fun to play with on the couch, think about it this way – a girl may like to grow a penis and play with it, but if you were to stumble upon it you would definitely be turned off. I’m surprised you get girls into your room at all. My recommendation to you is to get some duct tape and strap them back and down. That way they will be less noticeable, at least when the lights are out. Your other option is to distract her with something more entertaining than your man boobs. Who knows, maybe it’s your woman-sized schlong that will take the attention away from your knockers.

Q:I’m really self-conscious about my flat chest. People have told me I shouldn’t be worried, that guys like boobs pretty much regardless of their size. But I have a hard time believing that. Whenever I hook up with a guy and his hands start wandering toward my bra, I freak out and push his hand away. How can I get over this?
A Cup

Chick: From what I’ve heard, it is true that guys pretty much like any size. There are certainly guys out there that prefer a smaller cup size to the plastic surgery option (which I do not recommend), so the only thing left to do is accept your boobs for what they are. Maybe you’re not some busty Playboy Bunny type, but perhaps you have killer legs or a dazzling smile or rock-hard abs. Stop fighting your figure and choose to emphasize your best feature(s) instead. It’s also pretty easy to tell a girl’s size through her shirt. Unless you super-size your Wonder Bra, it’s really hard for an A cup to pass for a C cup. Thus, a guy who wants to hook up with you already knows what he’s getting, so pushing his hand away won’t necessarily “hide” your chest, and it will certainly limit the fun for both of you.

Dick: The best thing to do is if you are oversensitive about something like your nipple-breasts is to let him nowhere near them – just immediately go down on him. That way he won’t even notice if you do or don’t have boobs. A diversion is definitely a good way of dealing with the situation, but remember that your small boobs could work to your advantage, too. He’ll play with them for a second, get bored and go down on you, since your nipples are as fun as a top that doesn’t spin.

The Hatchet has disabled comments on our website. Learn more.