Battle of the Sexes

Q: I am a heterosexual male, but I find myself oddly attracted to celebrities like George Clooney. What does finding another man attractive mean? Does this mean that I am gay?

Chick: It’s perfectly OK to find someone of the same sex attractive. Actually, women have a bisexual arousal pattern, which means we get turned on by both men and women. I know that doesn’t really help you because you’re a guy, but I wouldn’t worry yourself. Attractive is attractive and it’s perfectly normal to note that someone is good-looking. Now, if you find yourself feeling more attracted to these male celebrities than equally gorgeous female ones, maybe you’re not as heterosexual as you think you are – which is perfectly OK, too. Only you can answer that, but if girls are the ones that turn you on and you just find yourself “oddly attracted” to the occasional male, you sound pretty straight to me.

Dick: You make it sound like being gay is a bad thing. You should accept who you are as a person – a homosexual – and just be happy with it. I’m trying to think of what straight guys have an innocent crush on a hunk like Clooney, and it’s a real short list – as far as homoerotic goes, I’d say you are near the top of the pile. I’m sure if you told a girlfriend about this she would think you are just “sensitive.” The ability to be open about your feelings will help you in this situation, but I think you should sit down and draft a note to George Clooney and confess your true feelings about his cute little behind. I’m sure he will be happy and find it completely normal that a “heterosexual” man thinks he is cute.

Q: I have found it really hard to balance my time lately. I have a full-time job, a double thesis to write and a full courseload. I am also really involved on campus. How can I better organize my time without neglecting anything?

Chick: First of all, make sure you have some “me time” in that busy schedule of yours, or else I guarantee you will wind up a frazzled twenty-something with an ulcer. As for your full-time everything, your eyes are obviously bigger than your stomach, so to speak. The best thing to do is prioritize a little. You have your thesis and your courses, but do you really need a full-time job or a membership to the “I Love Peaches” Club? Go over your activities and see if one of them can “give” a little, because you certainly shouldn’t neglect yourself and your friends. But if you find you really can’t part with anything, I suggest you meet with a time-management counselor and invest in several calendars, a good day planner or Palm Pilot, and a coffee machine.

Dick: My suggestion is to sit down on the couch have a couple shots of vodka and then think about what you really need to do. That will really help make everything feel better. It sounds like what you are neglecting now is your social life. Who really needs to do all those things anyway? Doing drugs also will always help make sure you neglect everything equally. It is much better to be consistently horrendous in all your activities, than to worry about neglecting one.

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