Battle of the Sexes

Q: The school year has just started and I have already been “sexiled” twice during the week. I don’t mind when it happens on the weekends, but I already have a huge workload for my classes and I can’t afford to lose so much time that could be spent studying. I understand everyone has needs, but this is getting ridiculous. How should I bring this up to my roommate without sounding like a prude?
-Sexiled

Chick: First of all, demanding some decent beauty sleep or quality study time is NOT being a prude, and for your roommate to have the balls to sexile you twice during the week is just plain rude. The best thing to do is pull your roomie aside and explain in a nice way that this arrangement isn’t working. Tell her that you don’t mind her sexiling you on the weekends, but you need to be in your own space to work/sleep/relax during the week. I recommend that you remind her that she could always go over to the room of the guy she wants to hook up with, and/or give her a copy of your schedule so she knows when you won’t be in the room and can arrange her little rendezvous then. Be nice but be firm, and hopefully she’ll be decent enough to respect your wishes.

Dick: Your workload could not be huge; no one has that much work the first week and anything you do now is not really going to affect your final grade. Second of all, your roommate is just living the college life – something you ought to try to do a little more. There will be plenty of time to be prude, but that is not the first week of school. If you really want to show her how bad it is, I suggest getting someone loud, bringing them back early and going at it all night long – that way she can get a taste of her own medicine. It’s always good to teach by example. You just have the wrong attitude – don’t think of it as lost study time, but lost ass time. Stop wasting your time and go sexile someone else’s roommates.

Q: Last weekend, my friends and I went out drinking and ran up a huge tab. Even though I only drank two beers, I ended up paying $20. I know for a fact that there were people in the group who only paid the bare minimum without thinking about tips. How do I confront the group without pissing anyone off? I don’t want them to think I’m cheap.
-Ripped Off

Chick: Unfortunately, if you bring up last weekend now you WILL look cheap, so the best thing to do is cut your losses and just make sure this doesn’t happen again. Next time everyone goes out and it’s time to pay the bill, call out that people need to remember tips and then set an example by throwing out on the table the money for your two beers plus a couple of dollars for the server. Then just sit back and let everyone else squabble about their share of the bill, as you have already paid your part and come across looking generous.

Dick: This takes me back to a good childhood saying, and that is, “every party needs a pooper.” Not only are you sober, so obviously not as much fun, but you are busting the cheapskates’ balls. There could be nothing worse. As I see it you should pay more, because you a) weren’t as much fun, b) sober enough to remember and c) whiny enough to bitch to an advice column about it. Suck it up, it sounds like you were lucky to be invited out in the first place. Just pretend it’s Greek-letter life, and you are paying for your friends – you probably need to.

Q: There is this girl in my hall that I really like a lot and I would love to date her. The thing is, she is really shy and all of my friends have been telling me to take things slow since we’ve known each other less than a month. I don’t exactly know how slow is slow enough. Is it too soon to hook up with her? Will I scare her away? I don’t want to come across as a player; but what do I do?
-A Gentleman

Chick: Whoa there, buddy. Where is how the girl feels about you in all of this? I’m assuming then that she likes you too, and is just waiting for your move. In that case, get to know her a little better by simply doing more one-on-one things, like taking a walk to the monuments at night (VERY romantic) or simply chilling in one of your rooms and talking. If you know more about her you can better gauge how she will react to things. It also pays to be flat out honest. If it becomes obvious that she wants you to kiss her, take the plunge and then admit that you don’t want to rush her and will go at any pace she is comfortable with. Then be true to your word and go at a snail’s pace if she asks you. On the other hand, just because a girl is shy doesn’t necessarily mean that she is a prude – shy girls can be wildcats, too.

Dick: Just because she is shy doesn’t mean she’s not some crazy nymph. You just have to sweep her off her feet right onto her bed. It’s never too soon to hook up, but it is often too late. The “friends” category pops up faster than wood when you think about her. Make a move since all you have to lose is your pride, and by the sounds of it you don’t have very much, so no worries. I think you have about as much chance of coming across as a player as the Pope does. Make a move dude, stop whining, sack up and go for her.

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