Q: Everyone tells me I give good blowjobs, but I’m not so sure that I do. How can I know if I do? -Curious
Chick: If you have gotten nothing but positive feedback from the guys you’ve hooked up with, then I would certainly take their word for it and stop worrying! Instead of asking flat-out if he likes your technique or if there’s anything else he wants you to do differently, pay attention to a guy’s facial expressions during the act. If pure joy is written across his face like a kid in a candy store, take confidence in your abilities and drop the subject (while any kind of wincing or looks of boredom are another story). Keep in mind, too, that a guy can’t give himself a blowjob and so most are more than happy for a girl to go down on them, no matter her technique. So stop worrying, relax, be careful and have fun.
Dick: Getting positive feedback means nothing, it’s like when a girl asks if they look pretty; if you want to keep your balls you say “yes honey, you look pretty/give good head.” To find out I suggest you find an unbiased source such as an honest friend, or a college advice columnist, and give it a whirl, or swallow as the case might be. Chances are, if you enjoy giving head, then you do a good job. If you aren’t super-excited about it, your skills are probably weak. On a scale of 1-10, most head is a seven; if you enjoy doing it, it’s probably an eight. You should add one point to your score if you have a tongue ring or DSLs – and we aren’t talking fast Internet. Very rarely is there “bad head,” but even more rare is the elusive great head. I happen to be a firm believer in the fact that great head is an art and can be improved, but not everyone has the capability. My suggestion is practice, practice, practice and then you will have confidence and the world will be a better place.
Q: My girlfriend hangs out with her ex, “John,” a lot. They broke up at the beginning of this year, but they had been together for a while and I am the first boyfriend she’s had since him. She tells me he is her best friend and while I know she was the one to end their relationship, I can’t help but think she might still have feelings for him and I get extremely jealous whenever I know they are going to hang out. I really like her, but her “friendship” with John is driving me nuts! What do I do? -Suspicious
Chick: What are you suspicious of? That she’s cheating on you? That she might still harbor feelings for her ex? Take a deep breath and read these words carefully: if anything, a jealous boyfriend will drive her into the arms of another guy. No one likes to feel like someone is breathing down their neck or that they can’t hang out with the people they care about. I am not saying that it’s easy to see your girlfriend have such a good friendship with her ex, but take it as it is or end things now before your jealousy eats you up and you do something you’ll later regret. Keep in mind that she ended the relationship with John and she chose to be with you over him. Feel confident and have faith in her feelings for you, and understand that it is a good thing to be with someone who cares for people even after they’re no longer an item. A good relationship is always built on trust. If you still are having trouble digesting the situation and are still suspicious, you should definitely have a talk with your girlfriend before rethinking why you are in a relationship that makes you so miserable.
Dick: Be suspicious, because chances are she is doing something shady, females usually do. “Best friends” is usually code for “sex on the side.” Even with the best intentions of not doing anything, relapses are inevitable. Ex’s are a disease and are bound to recur – especially under the influence of alcohol. It’s well and good to let them hang out but if she is mad at you or is horny because you haven’t given her some good lovin’, then you could be on your way to broken heart. You will be upset by both telling her not to do something (and angering her) or by letting her go back to her ex. Either way, I say your only option is to be better than him in every way. If that seems hard then sabotage him. You can put itching powder in his underwear drawer so he has embarrassing scratching everywhere he goes. Or a little Nair in the soap always works to give him “a new style.”
Q: I am currently in a serious relationship with my boyfriend and we have been together for about a year. But lately I have been having numerous sexual dreams about another guy. I’ve never been sexually attracted to this other guy, but he has been my friend for a really long time. What do these dreams mean? Am I just confused or is this a sign that my current relationship is fading? -Dreamer
Chick: Sigmund Freud might argue otherwise, but sometimes dreams can just be dreams. Fantasizing about another guy even though you are already in a serious relationship isn’t unusual, nor does it necessarily spell out trouble. If they concern you, though, maybe you should start paying attention to your relationship. Have the two of you fallen into a TV-and-take-out pattern or a sexual slump? Has your relationship fallen into the “sweatpants” category, where everything is just so comfortable that neither of you make an effort anymore to bring excitement into it? These dreams could just signal you’ve fallen into a rut, in which case now is the perfect time to jump-start your relationship. If, however, you always get goose bumps when you kiss, or if the two of you still try to bring variety into your lives in and out of the bedroom, then I wouldn’t worry about these dreams. You might also want to examine your friendship with the guy you’ve been dreaming about, too. When you see him in person do you still feel sexually attracted to him? Do you find yourself flirting with him when you hang out? If the answer is “yes” then maybe it’s time to do a little more thinking about your present relationship. If the answer is “no,” then I certainly wouldn’t lose any sleep over these fantasies.
Dick: A dream about another boy is extremely hot but probably not good for your current relationship. Let’s be honest, did you really even need to ask this question? Clearly you are sexually frustrated and need to do something. Before you dump your boyfriend and sleep with your friend, I suggest you try to work these dreams out. My suggestion is to take the sexual things in your dream and act it out with your boyfriend. Don’t tell him you are doing this, unless it involves costumes, in which case you should tell. I’m sure he will like it. If that fails try doing some crazy sexual things with your boy, spice it up a little, because clearly you are bored. Can I suggest the dirty Sanchez, a donkey punch or the butterfly – all should make it more interesting. But when all else fails, just dump him and go buck wild with your friend. When he hears you have been having sexual dreams, I’m sure he will be more than willing to try anything you have fantasized about.
This article appeared in the April 21, 2003 issue of the Hatchet.