Battle of the sexes

Question: My boyfriend and I are both going abroad next year, but while he’s only going away for a semester, I’m going to be gone all year. In the meantime, we’ve been trying to figure out what to do about our relationship. I really don’t want to break up with him, but I know from personal experience that long-distance relationships are difficult. What is your take on open relationships, like we’re a couple when we’re together but otherwise we can see other people? -Confused

Chick: Here is my take on open relationships: proceed with caution. They only work if both partners are equally committed to the relationship and willing to thoroughly discuss all the nitty-gritty details, like what exactly constitutes “seeing” other people. Does it mean you can flirt and randomly hook up with people? Or does it mean you can actually have a relationship with someone else? And if that is the case, there is a whole other set of ethics involved. Like will your new partner be willing to let you visit home and suddenly morph into someone else’s girlfriend? And suppose you fall for this new guy or your boyfriend-at-home falls for someone else. Where does that leave you and your “open” relationship? The list of questions goes on forever, and regardless of whether your relationship is open or not, you still might fall for someone else or your boyfriend could, too. But calling things “open” doesn’t necessarily make things easier; in fact, it will probably complicate things more than necessary. So the best bet is to discuss your options and then (in my opinion) choose between trying long-distance or breaking up (at least until you get back).

Dick: I bet you get jealous after the first slutty foreign girl he hooks up with. This kind of relationship has uneven amounts of sexual jealousy written all over it. Also, it’s a year and that’s a long time, especially if you are used to getting ass on a regular basis. If it’s meant to be, then it will work out when you get back. But realistically, is he really the one for you? Chances are, he is just a short fling and it wouldn’t even have made it through the summer. How many relationships make it through spring break, let alone a year abroad? You are going to a foreign country to experience culture, and the only way to truly experience it is to have lots of close interactions with the natives. Having a boyfriend who makes you feel guilty will not help you get some from foreign men.

Question: I went to this party and got really drunk, I don’t even remember a lot of the night. A couple people tell me, and I vaguely remember, that I was acting like a complete idiot. Now I’m embarrassed to see all these people who were there. How do I get out of this situation? -Red-faced

Chick: It happens to the best of us. The thing to do is to find out if you’ve actually done any real damage, like hooked up with someone’s significant other or embarrassed a friend. If it was just you playing the role of the funny drunk, though, suck it up and laugh it off. As Marie Osmond once said, “If you’re going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now.” Besides, come next weekend there will be some other drunk moron about whom everyone snickers, and your time will be up. Just learn from your mistake and don’t drink so much next time, unless you want your friends to have whole albums of blackmail photos.

Dick: Well, the first option would be, don’t drink like that again, but that’s not really an option. Shrug it off. We all have these nights, and the fact that they are talking to you shows that it really wasn’t that bad. The best thing, knowing from experience, is to try to piece the night together so you know who to avoid like gonorrhea. There is nothing worse than not knowing a story about how you tried to mount your friend’s dog. Like a midget at a urinal, stay on your toes, and listen and ask for all the stories. Find out the details and then you will know whom you should really be embarrassed to be around, because I’m sure there are a few.

The Hatchet has disabled comments on our website. Learn more.