On-campus woes
I implore you; the next time there is a fire drill, whatever you do, do not forget appropriate footwear. I learned this extremely valuable tip from two particularly witty University Police officers as they, with my assistance, filled out a “behavioral report” form on me during a fire drill at 10:00 a.m., one recent morning. I have been a very bad boy, it seems. Trying to be helpful, I asked if it was relevant that I was not wearing underwear, either; one of the officers said he would document it appropriately. After we finished with the form, I said to a friend, “This is why I’m getting the — out of housing next year,” to which one of the officers responded, “Oh, so you can live in an unsafe building?”

First of all, friendly officer, this is not a safe building. With ceilings collapsing and balconies about to, elevators violently malfunctioning and heaters emitting smoke, there are few things safe found here. And secondly, in answer to the question, the reason why I am leasing off campus next year is so I do not have to live in a freshman dorm as a junior. It is so I can use halogen lamps and George Foreman grills to my heart’s content. It is so I can live alone and still pay less in rent than I would to GW. Finally, it’s so that if there is a fire drill in my building, I can exit calmly, in whatever fashion I choose, with the knowledge that there is not a condescending and factually unsound lecture waiting for me downstairs from a member of the University’s finest who will subsequently document and store in a file my lack of shoes as some sort of behavioral noncompliance. Perhaps our campus boundaries will be more easily definable for the BZA now that GW has seceded in becoming a communist state.
-Ben Williams, sophomore

Not fun for everybody
I would like the staff of The Hatchet to know that parts of the April Fool’s Hatchet, such as the section entitled “Shit Just Keeps on Happening in This Joint” (Mar. 31, p. 3), were completely out of line. What may have been thought as a “funny joke” was in fact nothing but a cruel prank. Certain “stories” were written with a complete lack of consideration for the individuals who were to be affected by this “amusing report.” I found it personally insulting, rude and disrespectful that the authors of certain pieces within this paper find themselves so above others that they poke fun at someone else’s misery. This paper would have been much more enjoyable to the entire student body had jokes been made that every student could enjoy.
-Lauren Schor, sophomore

Get the D.C. vote
One would have to search pretty hard to find someone who aligns himself or herself against the D.C. VOTE initiative. Who could disagree with the idea that the people of DC, all 500,000 of them, are done a great injustice when they are legally required to pay taxes, follow federal laws, register for the draft etc., all without any voice in their own government. I have spoken to hundreds of students on this campus, and all of them are horrified by this un-American activity. Yet, in typical GW fashion, no one actually wants to take an active role in the fight. I urge the students of GW to take part in the struggle for D.C. suffrage, educate themselves on the issue and do something productive. Join other concerned citizens on April 9 in the Marvin Center and at15th and Freedom Plaza to get involved.
-Tim Persico, sophomore