Men’s basketball searches for exoskeletons

Pleased with the progress his freshmen made this season, head men’s basketball coach Karl Sobbs announced yesterday he is making a concerted effort to get even skinnier recruits for next season.

Strapped to find anyone more lanky than current freshmen Oh-my Williams, Fruit Loops Mensah-Bonsu and Mike Corridor, Sobbs said he was looking to have a skeleton to play power forward next season and already has a verbal agreement from an exoskeleton.

“These young skinny guys are quick and wiry,” Sobbs said. “And Lord knows we can’t shoot the ball, so outrunning the other team is our best option. The skeleton will help in our transition game.”

Sobbs said skin, muscle and ligaments just add extra weight and he wants none of that on his team.

“Just think of the seconds Oh-my could shave off his 100-yard dash if he didn’t have all that skin and all those organs,” he said.

Though the 6-foot-9, 180-pound Williams said he was disappointed he would not be the gangliest Colonial on the court, he was hopeful about what the skeleton would bring to the team.

“He’ll have an easier time maneuvering around defenders without a spleen and stuff,” he said. “I wish I were a skeleton.”

Teammates agreed with Williams’ assessment of the new addition but were confused by his wish.

“I thought he already was,” Jizz Monroe said.

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