I am Brazil’s leading male-bikini model and some times I overcompensate for my small penis by stuffing plantains in my leopard print Speedo. I enjoy long walks on the beach, ritualistic sacrifices of baby boars, underage women and face-painting. My talents include posing for pornographic photography, putting my legs behind my head and eating large quantities of cotton candy. I’m not a hermaphrodite, but I wish I were.
I’ve always enjoyed the finer things in life. In high school I used to loan out my underwear to my male friends, leaving me pantyless and hanging free. I never understood why they came back stained and on the body of a blow-up doll. I guess I had a skewed perspective but, then again, I do smoke a lot of weed. When I’m high I like to invent words, like mightcould and sdufuni, and I enjoy sex with blow up dolls that are wearing my underwear.