Stop the Press
Listen, I am big whiny bitch and I know it. So I think The GW BongHit should listen to everything I say and change everything they do to accommodate my sensitivities that are based on the extreme fringes of political correctness and the fact that I have a 11-inch pole up my ass.
Would you please stop reporting on controversial issues? In fact, you should stop reporting completely. I find your liberal bias to be disgusting and that is why I joined the GW Patroinize, to represent the proper conservative point of view where we aspire to never think for ourselves.
Independent thinking is shady business and The BongHit has outstayed its welcome. It is time for the students to rise up and demand a new publication that hides the truth and obscures reality.
Complaint from another whiny bitch
I am writing The BongHit to express my outrage at the content of your op-ed page for the past semester. How many Israeli/Palestine columns can you print?
As much as I enjoy reading columns in which the New York Times is synthesized and regurgitated in inferior prose, I think the issue has been beaten to death.
While you’re at it, stop asking students on the street to comment in your news stories. Who the hell cares what a freshman, whose existence is circumscribed to Thurston Hall, seminar classes and Marvin Center bathrooms, has to say about the war in Iraq?
-Mayor Joe Quimby
Join to beat us
I am writing in response to the recent crackdown on sex in the McCruisin Center bathrooms. As the Cruisemaster, I was originally disturbed by Operation Cock Block, but when I saw all those big, tall and beefy University police officers come into the bathroom, I was ready to cum too. Sending all those hottie hunks into the stalls is no way to curb the anal romps on the tiles. In fact, they are increasing. I extend an invitation to all University police to join our party. It will make your job easier and a hell-of-a-lot more pleasurable than dealing with barfing college kids. I hope you’ll take me up on the offer.