In a recent interview with The BongHit, former pop mogul- turned-hip-hop superstar Justin Timberlake gave a shoutout to all of his loyal friends and fans.
“Sheeeeiiiittt, yo, I am just keeping it real,” he said about the new direction of his career. He then adjusted his Yankees cap so that it rested crooked on the side of his head. He went on to discuss his future plans to collaborate with the Neptunes for a new chart-topping duo with Coolio.
Timberlake, formerly the devastatingly adorable front man of N’Sync, has temporarily said “bye bye bye” to “white boy superpop,” as he calls it, to explore his ghetto roots. He has also expressed interest in dating J-Lo, vowing that he will “win her over from that cracka she is currently with.”
“I mean, what the fuck, that white boy thinks he can date J-Lo? He’s from Boston,” he said angrily. “Florida is where it’s at.”
Timberlake takes this as a moment to reminisce on his ghetto Floridian upbringing.
“Yo, yo, yo, Disneyworld is worse than South Central with the drugs, sex and that scary-ass dog,” he said, shuddering in his oversized Tampa jersey. “I mean, fuck, Goofy will fuck you up the ass for looking at him wrong, yamean.”
When asked how Disneyworld can possibly be more dangerous than Detroit, the Bronx, or, well, Dayton, Ohio, Justin paused and then gave his reply.
“Shhheeeeiiiiitt, that Walt motherfucka was fo real, yo.”
In response to the growing national concern that Justin Timberlake does not know who he is (or simply doesn’t own a mirror, but we all know that is an unlikely option), the remaining members of N’Sync, along with the Black Rock Coalition, have been secretly planning to undermine Timberlake’s newfound heritage with a nationally publicized intervention.
“I mean, like, Justin, you’re not black,” said band mate and friend, Joey Fatone, who, by the way, would like to plug his newest movie, My Big Fat Austrian Wedding.
Timberlake, on the other hand, defends his new musical stance.
“But I recorded with Nelly,” he said, sheepishly looking down at the gold chains around his neck, his voice almost a whisper. “This is fo real.”
“Shit, Nelly ain’t black,” said prominent Democrat and activist Jesse Jackson in response to Timberlake’s defense.
“Fuck that shit, Jesse Jackson ain’t black,” said the Black Rock Coalition’s newest president, Whoopi Goldberg.
Timberlake, who has been busy growing out his hair for cornrows, remains oblivious to the cause of the BRC.
“Yo, they best be leavin’ my music alone, foo’,” Timberlake said.
Goldberg, who has a history of making small southern boys cry, remains strong in her stance against Timberlake.
“Cry me a motherfucking river, white boy,” she said.