In a last ditch attempt to gain applications, GW will rename itself The Georgetown University next fall to trick incoming freshmen into thinking they are going to a better school.

University officials are ordering new signs for all campus buildings and flags for streetlights, a project expected to cost $2 million in marketing materials.

“My goal since I came here 15 years ago was to make GW the best university in D.C.,” University President Smokin Jointswithyour Tuitionmoney said. “Short of buying them, this is the next best thing, and more cost effective, too. It will really improve academics.”

U.S. News and World Report rankings staff said the magazine will continue to rank The Georgetown University in the second tier.

“Nice try,” one editor said. “But the new name may help improve rankings in the future.”

Changing GW’s name will absolve the University of any current or pending court cases against the school.

“I bet they didn’t see that one coming,” University legal weasel Charlie Barbedtongue said with an evil laugh.

Bob Burnedhack, assistant associate executive vice president for Screwing All Students Sohard, said GW will also get a new mascot, a giant inflatable hoya, next year.

“No one here really knows what a hoya is,” he said. “But we are in the process of figuring that out.”

Tuitionmoney said one of the benefits of the move is receiving the Georgetown president’s mail, including his pay and social security checks.

He said GW is looking to increase applications to more than 50,000 so the University can accept only five percent of applicants to make it look more selective.

“If this doesn’t work, we may consider renaming the Virginia and Mount Vernon campuses ‘Harvard’ and ‘Yale,'” Tuitionmoney said.

The move is part of a University-wide plan to improve only GW’s surface attributes while doing nothing to augment academics and student life.

“Buildings and columns and cranes, oh my,” Tuitionmoney snickered. “Now GW is showing the rest of the world we don’t have to strive for the programs actual good schools have as long as we look and sound like them.”

Students, as usual, were indifferent to the decision.

“My grandma always thought I went to Georgetown anyway,” freshman Dont Haveaclue said.

Some students were happy about the name change.

“I’m finally getting my $40,000 a year’s worth,” junior Prada Starbucks said.