It is high time that stoners receive equal treatment in universities across this country and especially at GW. There should no longer be discrimination in academia on the basis of race, gender, ethnic background or if you done smoked yourself retarded in high school.

With SAT scores and GPAs improving, it is becoming increasingly difficult to gain acceptance to our nation’s top colleges, especially if you smoka da herb. This is leading to a decreasing level of diversity on campuses as classrooms will be filled only with straight-edge crybabies that wouldn’t know how to roll a good blunt if their life depended on it.

Policymakers and administrators vociferously argue for the necessity of diversity on college campuses and the mutual benefits it entails. They fail to realize, however, that the stoner is an essential personality on campus and his or her very existence is being threatened through ridiculous grade requirements and the bullshit line of needing “academic integrity” in schools.

The inability of stoners to get the grades necessary for acceptance to schools like GW is a blatant example of discrimination. There needs to be a policy that recognizes the plight of stoners and the difficulties they face. According to the Director of the Association for Affirmative Action Dr. Smoke Dadank, “stoners are disadvantaged after their first puff of a joint and deserve special consideration.”

To begin with, the many, many bong hits stoners take systematically deprives the brain of oxygen from an early age leading to a diminished mental capacity – it is thus not their fault they often fail to attend school and fall asleep in class. Their decreased attention span is not conducive to the modern demands of the educational system, which has cold-heartedly turned its back on stoners.

Universities openly discriminate against pot-heads through the essay requirements on applications. Administration officials use a system of stoner profiling as they identify the essays with brownie crumbs and traces of bong water to identify the stoners and unlawfully discriminate against them.

A quota system should be developed. Students should be able to identify whether or not they smoked a massive amount of Mary Jane and the incoming class should be at least 4.20 percent stoners – the future of academia depends on it.

-The writer, perhaps the coolest muthafucker ever to roam the planet, is stupid baked.