Q: While on a school trip abroad, three of my friends fell for the same guy. Because he goes to school on the East Coast as well, each of them had thought about the possibility of dating him. None of them wants to give him up (even though I’m not sure that he knows they are planning to date him) and now they aren’t speaking to each other. What do I do? They expect me to help. I’m stuck in the middle and don’t know what to say without losing one of my friends. What should I say to them?
Chick: As tempting as it is to fix this whole mess up, the best thing to do is to not get involved. The “help” they’re expecting you to give translates into supporting each of them. Because that is not possible in a situation like this (you can’t tell all three friends they each deserve the guy without getting into trouble yourself), it’s best to remain neutral and not choose sides. Allying yourself with one friend means making enemies of the other two, which would only further add to the mess. My advice to you is to somehow arrange for all three of your friends to meet, or to e-mail them saying that you are not planning to get involved and that you’re sad to see them lose friends over a guy. Then let them decide which is more important – friends or a guy – and let them work it out accordingly.
Dick: Well the fact that they stopped talking over this guy means either he is amazing, they are petty or they don’t get out very much. They need to get over this situation because it is silly. I think your best option is to get them drunk, take them to a bar (assuming you are 21, we never endorse doing illegal things) and find them each a new boy to inject them with some reality. Having a firm grasp on reality is something that these girls seem to desperately need. This guy doesn’t even go to the same school, so chances are it will be a non-issue because they probably will never see him. Your best option is to do exactly what you thought you didn’t want to do and be in the middle. As I see it, this is a perfect opportunity for you and your ladies to do a little bonding.
Q: My girlfriend and I recently took our relationship to the next level. I really care about her but I want to be safe. The only problem is that she doesn’t like using condoms because she swears that sex is better without. I don’t know if she is on birth control and the fear of getting her pregnant is too much pressure. How do I talk to her about this without coming across as a prudish boyfriend?
Chick: You’re coming across not as a “prudish” boyfriend but as a responsible one. Next time you two are alone together (and not in the middle of hooking up) just ask her, point-blank, if she’s on birth control. If she doesn’t give you a straight answer, or she says no, tell her that because you care for her you want to use condoms. If you can’t be honest enough, with her to tell her that getting her pregnant is too much pressure, then maybe you ought to rethink your relationship. If she respects you enough she won’t think you’re prudish and she’ll understand. In the meantime, make sure you bring along condoms and slip one on each time you two hook up; just because she isn’t worried about getting pregnant doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be. Good luck!
Dick: First ask if she is on the pill, just sack up and ask – it’s not a big deal. Obviously she wears the pants in the relationship, because she told you what she wants, but you can’t ask if she is on the pill? Also the condom goes on you, and if you are so scared, just throw it on. I know what the problem is, you are worried you won’t last nearly as long without a condom and you don’t want her to start using you as a timer for a 50-meter sprint. If this is such a big problem, why don’t you just hold out and not give it up. There is more to a relationship than sex. Maybe it will give you guys a chance to move to a higher level. Or maybe she will find someone who is willing to follow her lead in the sack. Sounds like it’s your call.