Q: I’m a freshman with a boyfriend back home that I’ve been with for the last three years. I love him and miss him a lot, but only being able to call him and see him every few months is eating me alive. I didn’t think that a long distance relationship could be so hard and lately I’ve been feeling really lonely. There’s also this guy down the hall that I like who’s been very flirty with me and it’s been really tempting to start something up with him. But then I can’t imagine breaking up with my present boyfriend – I feel absolutely torn! Should I stay with him or is it time to move on? -Lonely Girlfriend
Chick: As they say, you can’t have your cake and eat it too and because this is such a personal decision, I really don’t know how much I can help you. Before you decide to break up with your present boyfriend, you should really ask yourself if it’s worth it. If you two have been going strong for the past three years and you’ve only begun to miss him a lot, then I suggest that you wait before jumping into anything new. If, however, you love your boyfriend but were unsure from the start whether you’d be able to handle a long-distance relationship, then perhaps it is time to move on. College is all about meeting new people and having new experiences. If you feel that having a boyfriend back home is somehow holding you back and if you no longer feel totally committed to your relationship then I suggest cutting him loose. It’s better to do this before you act on temptation and have the added guilt of cheating on him when you eventually do break up.
Dick: Torture is not the answer to a good relationship and it seems like you are being tortured by not being able to fulfill your needs with the man down the hall. If the guy at home is the man for you then you guys will be back together after school. For example, I knew a girl across the hall who had a boy back home and eventually a drunken night happened, and her relationship hit the fan. I think it’s better to breakup and just have good fun with out those ties from home. College is about meaningless hook-ups, random sex and drunken stupidity. If you are moping around about some high school sweetheart you are missing out on a huge part of college. It seems immature, but what part are you going to remember, studying in the library, going to Cosi with a friend on a Friday night or that night you got totally obliterated and kissed three guys on the dance floor and then went home with a fourth. Now that’s a story for the grandchildren.
Q: There is obvious sexual tension between my TA and me. I wasn’t sure at first, but even some of my friends in that class have commented on it. I don’t know if I can make a move or how I should respond if she makes a move, so what should I do? -Unsure
Chick: Forget the sexual tension and find someone who isn’t your TA. This situation could get ugly very quickly if something between the two of you were to start up and other students in your class, besides your friends, may also to pick up on it. Complaints could be made, rumors could be spread and your TA could lose her position. If there really is some undeniable spark between you then I suggest waiting until you’re out of that class next semester. And while keeping a relationship secret might seem romantic and risque, it only turns out that way in the movies. At least for her sake, don’t make a move, and if she were to make the first move explain why nothing can happen at least for the meantime. It’s best for the both of you, as frustrating as it might seem now.
Dick: Hooking up with a TA, although considered a taboo, it’s not really against the rules. If you are good then it will help your grade, but if you don’t represent, then, well, your grade may come up short. The semester is nearing the end so a little fun now probably doesn’t have that much of a chance to get ugly and get you into trouble. Wow, this is like every college student’s dream to hook up with that hot TA. Now that’s really a story to tell the grandchildren. My suggestion is start slow, so you don’t look dumb, maybe ask to meet out of office hours for coffee to go over a tough assignment, do it at like 8 p.m. on a Tuesday, because then it can lead to more. Use protection though those older people have been around.
E-mail dilemmas to firstname.lastname@example.org