Battle of the Sexes

Advice on life, love and relationships. E-mail dilemmas to advice@gwhathcet.com

Q: My boyfriend wants me to get my tongue pierced and I wanted to know if it’s worth the pain and inconvenience for the sexual pleasure on his end? ~ Unsure

CHICK: As romantic as it may sound – getting your tongue pierced for your boyfriend — you should put your own needs first. From the wording of your question, it sounds like you’re pretty reluctant to go through this “pain and inconvenience.” Therefore, I recommend that you hold off. Besides, body piercing can be costly. It’s definitely not worth the money if you wouldn’t have gotten it done had your boyfriend not begged you. So next time your boyfriend hints how hot it would be for you to pierce your tongue, smile sweetly and say while you want to make him happy, you’ve thought it over and decided to pass. If he’s a good boyfriend he’ll understand and drop the subject.

DICK: Yes, its great, get two tongue piercings. Think of it like gymnastics, if it was going to be an eight before the piercing, it is now going to be right around a 9. So your tongue may swell up a little and you won’t be able to say Mississippi, but honestly who really cares about Mississippi. You probably don’t love giving head, and I understand that. A tongue ring will help you get in and out quicker. It feels better so it will save you time and energy. It is also something to keep you entertained during class. You now always have something to play with. Even if it means running it along your lips during class and turning on every dude in the room. Relationships are all about compromise and sacrifice. What a better way of saying I love you then making the fellatio better. I can’t think of a better way – and don’t propose a dozen roses.

Q: I like this guy in a couple of my classes. I talk to him sometimes, but I can’t get a clear vibe. How do I find out if he’s interested? ~ Yearning in bio-chem.

CHICK: Ah, the age-old “does he like me?” question. Before you can examine his actions, however, you should first examine your own. When you wrote “I talk to him sometimes,” does this mean that you’ve occasionally asked him for a Kleenex to blow your nose or that you both have chatted about your family, mutual interests, the crazy things you did this past weekend, etc.? If it’s the former, then you might want to step it up a notch and make a bigger effort to talk to him between classes. Maybe offer to have study sessions for future tests. But if it’s the latter, then next time you talk to him make sure to smile a lot, maybe playfully touch his arm while you’re talking, wear your most flattering outfit (when you feel confident, it shows). Next comes examining how he reacts to this newer, flirtier, you. Does he smile back? Does he pull away when you touch him? It will soon become clear how he feels about you, once you’ve made it more obvious you like him. And if it turns out that he only considers you a platonic pal, that’s not to say that things won’t change further into the semester so keep your fingers crossed and good luck.

DICK: Well if you don’t have the guts to ask him to get food or coffee or if you don’t want him for his company, then ask what he is up to during the weekend, and mysteriously end up at the same party or club. Seeing him in an alcohol-infested environment, might give you more courage to “talk to him.” Right now he doesn’t know you are interested so you are going to have to show him you are, and the only way to do that is to be aggressive. You and your fellow females need to accept more responsibility in the dating scene. You think he is cute so go get him and none of this sitting back and waiting for him B.S. You don’t need a clear vibe. What’s the worst thing that happens? You end up at a party with him and he isn’t interested? Just make sure you get introduced to some of his friends before that happens. As I see it you have nothing to lose, except a little pride, and obviously you seem to have some to spare, you did write in to an advice column.

The Hatchet has disabled comments on our website. Learn more.