Q: Ever since high school, all my friends have always had boyfriends. I was always the “friend” and never the potential girlfriend. This problem seemed to carry over into college life, as guys always seem to see me as the “friend,” and many of my friends are constantly involved with someone. I’m OK with being friends, but I’m frustrated at always being put into that category. What can I do to get out of the friend zone?
~Just A Friend
CHICK: This is a tricky question because it is impossible to control how other people feel about you, unless you happen to be a hypnotist or something. You do, however, have control over how you feel about yourself and, therefore, how you act around these guy friends of yours. Just conduct a little anthropological study concerning your “involved” gal-pals, making note of how they dress, their tone of voice, the physical contact they make with guys (if any) and any other flirty body language they use. Then ask yourself if you do any of these things, because it’s the subtle gestures that make the difference. Maybe you don’t feel as confident as you’d like to feel and this restrains you from acting flirtier with the guys you fancy. Maybe past failures have made you a little hesitant to put yourself out there. The only advice I can then give you is that sometimes it’s best to just suck it up and pretend you have the confidence you want, without making yourself too uncomfortable. Guys can be pretty dense at times, so apart from hitting someone over the head with a banner that says “I LIKE YOU! YES, YOU!” you just have to make it a little more obvious that you have no intention of being stuck in the dreaded “friend” category forever and that you’re made of perfect girlfriend material if they’d just give you the chance. So act confident, be yourself, have faith and good luck!
DICK: You’re a girl, therefore, you have abilities to attract guys. You just have to work your mojo. All I got to say is the ball is in your court, and you just need to get the full set. You are attracted to a guy friend, he obviously finds you attractive enough to hang out with, which means there is potential. It’s your job to step it up. You have breasts – wear a low cut shirt and be flirtatious. A little high thigh rub during a late night study session can go a long way. As I hear it, you want to take one of your taken friends. So you are already a wannabe home-wrecker, I just say you go balls out (or more like low-cut-shirt out) and go for it. The worst thing that can happen is he thinks you are being slutty, which will help you out of your original problem because the word will get around and your world will be filled with pleasure. Or, if worse comes to worse, get him drunk.
Q: Something really weird happened to me the other day and it’s been bothering me ever since. I’m a straight guy and the other day a man asked me out on a date. While part of me takes it as a compliment, the other part wants to know what about me is gay and it’s really confusing me. How do you give out a “gay” vibe if you’re not gay? What should I do if this ever happens again?
CHICK: Your question perfectly illustrates the much bigger problem of stereotypes. If he’s too polite, if he dresses too well, if he isn’t into sports much, if he hasn’t had any luck/experience with girls, blah blah blah – then he’s gay. Actually, being homosexual is much more complicated. Unfortunately, people only get caught up in these superficial aspects and that’s why your little miscommunication occurred. If you’re confident enough in your sexuality, take it as a compliment and move on. As Marie Osmond once said “If you’re going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now.” To be so lucky that both sexes find you attractive! As embarrassed as you might have been at the time, I’m sure the other guy was absolutely mortified that he made such a mistake. If, however, you find yourself continually dwelling on this incident, then perhaps you have some other issues you need to work through.
DICK: Dude, I think winking at every guy you pass on the street may be a big part of the problem. I’m not sure how much of a compliment that is. It’s kind of like when your friend’s grandma says you are really handsome. Your thought, “great now I can join the senior citizen club.” Honestly it’s just not that cool, unless that is what you are into, in which case you need to write a different question to email@example.com. Trying to figure out what is “gay” about you is a pretty hard task, especially because you wrote in anonymously. What do I look like, Miss Cleo? I think you should be happy. Maybe this will open up a new door to your life, maybe that secret back entrance to the fun you have yet to find. There is nothing wrong with being gay, maybe it has just taken you a while to figure out what tickles your pickle. Be happy about the new opportunities this could lead to.
Advice on life, love and relationships
E-mail dilemmas to firstname.lastname@example.org