Last year people were upset about the slate of Commencement speakers the administration picked. Our fearless leaders have done it again.
Being a graduating senior, I would like to do subsequent graduating classes a favor and outline who we would like to see as our Commencement speakers.
One, we live in the capital of the free world – get us an important policy maker. Preferably one whose lawn we’re graduating on.
Two, think international. I was personally quite excited when the rumors of British Prime Minister Tony Blair were going around. Now I would rather have the Spice Girls or Mr. Bean.
Three, if number one or number two are not possible, make sure they are someone we have heard of. I would suggest looking toward Hollywood. How about that amazing inventor Ron Popeil? He can give us demonstrations of all his inventions like the spray-on hair. How about we confer degrees and ask all the women rejected from ABC’s “The Bachelor” to come out and give us dating tips? I think that would be much more exciting. Hey, how about no speaking, and we have a “celebrity boxing” extravaganza?
I think I represent the disappointment of the class of 2002.