Whinos: Taking offense

I would say I read the paper frequently, and I do so with great interest. But would it be possible to refrain from being so offensive. I mean just because it’s April Fool’s Day doesn’t mean that you should be funny.

I basically take offense to just about anything involving drugs, alcohol, race, sex, religion, the color red, George Washington, people, air, spiders, pizza and most types of clothing. Come to think of it, I even offend myself. Can’t we go through life without sarcastic commentary meant for a good laugh?

I know there’s that whole First Amendment thing to consider, but I and other readers are more sensitive these days, so please make sure you don’t hurt our feelings. We should all take ourselves more seriously. If we all did so, we’d be a lot happier and no one would have to worry about making wisecracks or offensive news, because there wouldn’t be any. I guess that’s what I trying to get at here.
PS: And please stop printing cartoons.

-Ima Pussy, freshman
president, Weenies with Feelings

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