TRL to battle CNN

In a bid to compete with CNN’s Crunchtire, MTV executives have decided to move TRL to GW permanently.

“We wanted to get something for the lame kids as well as the poli-sci nerds,” said University President Steely Dan Truckasaurus.

The show will be broadcast from the Terrace in J Street. Lame-obsessed young people with nothing better to will stand on 20th Street with their posters and signs in a pathetic attempt to … well, who knows why they’re there.

Students were excited by the decision.

Thirteen-year old freshman Doogia Howser said she couldn’t wait for the show to come.

“Like oh my god, I am so totally excited, I have my signs and stuff and everything. And I saw Carson walking into a building at 2140 G Street the other day!!”

Other students, mostly sexually-frustrated freshmen, said they would come to the show every day in hopes of seeing Britney Spears’ clothes fall off.

“Ahhhhh,” said drooling freshman Phil Whitey-Tighties. “I need to be alone now.”

Local hot dog vendor Hashish Nahasameetapetalan said he would start selling markers and posterboard, as well as his usual compliment of hot dogs, half-smokes, pretzels and “herbal blends.”

Since the announcement, Snatchet Manage Towhipya Chasin Stoneheart has been swamped by teeny-boppers thinking he is Carson Daly.

“Eh, it’s my fantasy coming true; there are 13-year olds after me
wherever I go,” Stoneheart said “Soo, now I have someone to watch my autographed copy of Spy Kids with!”

The first song to be played in the new venue will be N*SYNC’s version of “Me So Horny” featuring a bunch of GW improv groups doing the “me love you long time” part.

Other performances will include Britney Spears’s “Look, I Have Fake Boobs Again,” Mandy Moore’s “I’m Still Popular, Right?,” “Some Lame Shit” by Anonymous Boy Band, and GW-frat party themed “Pass the Busch and Natty” by Busta Rhymes and featuring P Diddy, Ja Rule, DMX, Outkast, Macy Gray (of course), Dido, Sting, Alphonse D’Amato, Chris Monroe, Fred Savage, Joe Mama and the entire population of Greenland.
Local band Good Charlotte begged to be let on the show, but was denied. The band has since returned to their job at a McDonald’s in Rockville.

“At least we’re still on WRGW every day,” said Dorkus McGee, lead singer of the band.

University officials said they think the show will help bring all kinds of audiences to GW.

“Like I said, we have shows for two kinds of lame people,” said Truckasaurus. “Hopefully we can get Wall Street Week, some bass fishing show and the entire Lifetime network to move to GW, so we’ll have pretty much every kind of lame person imaginable on campus.”

Truckasaurus said the partnership is part of a University plan to become entirely run by television networks, and eliminate classroom space completely.

“It’s a business deal, really. How much do we have to pay to get back in the U. Snooze U. Lose top 50?” he said.

University Spin Doctor Might Speakfreely said GW and ABC executives were “talking” about moving Monday Night Football to campus, but could not confirm his own name.

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