Salty Sea Men conquers GW

The GW music scene has long been defined by its proclivity for promoting what some would describe as pathetic-ass rock and no-talent ass-clowns that should shut their damn mouths.

To combat this development, a new movement in rock has spawned, thrusting one GW band into the spotlight. Captain Blueballs and the Salty Sea Men are Piratecore rock at its best and are proudly representing the pirate contingent on GW’s campus.

“We honestly feel that music has become to concerned with orchestration and musicianship. What ever happened to getting really drunk, screaming incoherently and then throwing people to their death’s in shark-infested waters?” lead Singer Randy Hillflips said.

The group has had great success with tunes such as “I got Scurvy from the cabin boy” and “I love you, you wench” and has been rumored to be in negations with several major labels.

Bassist Canthold Hisliquor says that though Blueballs has had success at GW, the national scene is not so loving.

“We’ve got a major bone with the music industry. Everytime we think we’re about to make it big, we get left out in the cold, burning for satisfaction” Hisliquor said.

Fan reaction remains mixed, however. Constant complaints abound from Crawfish Hell, the dorm adjacent to the groups Suddenlyflodded Hell practice area.

“I was trying to have sex with my window open this one time,” freshman Donnie Ryerson said, ” and those bastards wouldn’t shut up.”

Despite such criticisms drummer Manly Emobitch explains that the band doesn’t really give a fuck what anyone thinks. They’re just in it for the women.

“There are only two things that taste like fish, and only one of them is fish. The other one is pussy,” Emobitch said.

So what of the live show? Some would argue that though the live spectacle is enjoyable, the group is really better suited for the studio. In my experience the Sea Men is less than salty live. Bland would be a more accurate description, maybe even tangy.

“Wait there’s a band named what?” some GW freshman said.

The Hatchet has disabled comments on our website. Learn more.