Lovin Snatches

A mysterious case of food poisoning after a pit stop at an Atlanta Wendy’s chain left the entire University of Kansas basketball team bed-ridden, and doctors say it could be weeks before the team fully recovers. The situation leaves the Jayhawks waving bye-bye to the Final Four and hello to their vomit pails. In an odd twist, the Colonial women have been selected to travel to Atlanta to take the place of the ailing birds.

An event such as this has never happened in NCAA Tournament history. Left with no precedent to follow, the NCAA board left the decision up to Maryland head coach Gary Williams.

Speaking from his cell phone in the locker room at the Georgia Dome, Williams explained why he chose the Colonials, a team that did not qualify for the NIT, much less the NCAAs, as an opponent.

“I’m going for my first-ever NCAA Tournament Championship, but in order to do that I have to get past the Final Four,” Williams said. “What better team will allow me to do that than those slackers at GW?”

Williams placed the call to men’s head coach Kills Mobs from a payphone outside the Georgia Dome in Atlanta last Friday. Sources close to the coach say he was heard muttering to himself, “and they thought the BB&T was an embarrassment.”

Mobs said he was insulted by Williams’s request and wanted to shout at him but all he could do was whistle and stamp his feet. He then referred Williams to women’s head coach Doh! Myteamcantwin, who was aching for another chance at postseason play.

Luckily the women were back early from post-season plan and free for the engagement.

When asked what he thought about the situation, coach Myteamcantwin said, “you know, that’s a good question, Lovin.”

The NCAA was reluctant to allow the women to participate in the men’s Final Four but reconsidered when the NCAA chairman realized, “hey, they’d put up a better fight than the Colonial men.”

Myteamcantwin immediately ordered Assistant Sports Information Director Galthats Myho to change all the media guides to say he has led his team to 10 straight NCAA appearances and to re-embroider the 2002 WNIT banner. He then told his team the good news. He said he thinks the opportunity will be a great experience for his young team.

“We had a rough time in our first two attempts at post-season play,” Myteamcantwin said. “I think the third time will be a charm.”

The women hit the gym again as soon as they heard the news and McKeown says he will have to change his coaching strategy for the game.

“Look for Likesto Dateshortmen to handle the ball a lot,” he said. “I think if she gets hot from behind the arc the Terps will have a hard time catching up,” he said referring to the guard’s soft touch from behind the three-point line, among other places.

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