A few weeks ago I slept with this guy on the floor of his closet after a party, never expecting to see him again. Then yesterday I was talking to this really hot guy in line at Starbucks. I later realized it was the guy who I slept with. I would really like to see him again, but how could I do it without being totally embarrassed?

-Closet cunt

You dirty, dirty slut. Now why would such a wholesome whore like you be getting drunk at a party get with some random guy? If the guy in line at Starbucks didn’t remember your name either, then I wouldn’t worry about suffering from utter embarrassment. However, if you would like to see him again you can always sneak into his room and surprise him with a repeat session of closet cloitus. Maybe after the second time around, he’ll remember your name.

My girlfriend and I decided to exchange kinky gifts for our two-year anniversary. I am going abroad next semester, and I want to buy her a vibrator so she can think of me when I am away. However, I am clueless as to which kind to buy, I am assuming there are a lot available, can you help me out?
-Vibrator virgin

You dirty, dirty whore. Exchanging sex gifts for an anniversary? How original of you. Assuming your girlfriend probably masturbates already because you fuck like a stoned bunny with a dick made of Jell-o. I would go for something better than a vibrator. I would recommend a vibrating dildo with g-spot and clitorial stimulation attachments. Choose a style that is waterproof so she can use it in or out of the shower. When you make your trip to the Solo Shop, be sure to bypass the pecker pacifier and head for the one, the only, the Rabbit. This is the dildo of all dildos. It is the jack rabbit to your stoned bunny.